Why I Like Homosexuals

Uh-Oh.

I know I am going to get shit for writing a title like that.

And you know what? Im completely comfortable in saying that.

As a man, it can be difficult to make statements like this. The guy code doesn't allow us to use the words "I like" and "homosexuals" in the same sentence, unless there is a "dont" between "I" and "like". I mean that is a whole other can of worms that I could go into for hours but let me stay on point.

So, let's be honest here: We all like interesting people. We all like people who can make us laugh, be goofy and, most importantly, be themselves. People who are restrained and hold back from who they really are tend to be boring and difficult to connect with. I know I can be as guilty as anyone; too afraid to be different or to stand out that I'm just boring.

Well, in my experience, people who come out of the closet tend to be people who are more connected with themselves in some way (It's a generalization, I know). From my experience in meeting people, gay men and women have a certain comfortablity with themselves.

Now this doesn't mean that they are completely in touch with themselves or perfect people by any means. I guess what I'm saying is I felt that they have a much easier time connecting with others, with finding their own internal values and in general, being social.

I really have to stress here again that it is a generalization, yes, but it is something I have generally picked up on.

So I was thinking about why this is.

I mean haven't you ever met that really flamboyant gay guy who was unafraid of people (in a social sense) or who was obnoxious in public or who just has a really good time with whoever is around them? The flamboyant gay guy can totally be the stereotype. And it's funny because I've met many who are quite completely to the contrary, really quiet guys who are rather afraid to "stir the pot" and offend people.

The thing is though, I was wondering just why this is. Why can some people just do what they want, not caring or giving a fuck what people think?

I have some inklings as to why, but let me draw a comparison from a story I just heard about.

I was reading a book that mentioned the true story of Art Berg, a successful businessman who became quadreplegic after an accident. He lost mobility in his legs and arms (obviously) and eventually was able to use a wheelchair, type with two fingers and dress himself in the morning. He was having a hard time getting a job though. Over the phone the interviewer loved him, but when they actually saw him and his condition they changed their mind. He eventually got a job with IBM doing some sort of sales job and becamse SUPER successful doing that. He eventually started traveling and public speaking making money that way. And as cool as all that is, and as successful as he was by societal standards, the guy just lived an amazing life. Initially doctor's noted that he was exhibiting "excessive happiness" and it probably confused the hell out them. How can this guy be so happy when he just lost the use of almost all his faculties? Well through losing so much he gained something else, some kind of wisdom or enlightenment.

Art Berg lost the use of his body and by doing so lost other things that might have been holding him back before.

He obviously gained some real amazing social skills to be able to be such a great salesman and public speaker.

But seriously, think about it. Your stuck in a wheelchair and can't do any of the old things you were so used to doing before.

So what do you do?

I figure you go down one of two roads. Either you play the victim or you see an opportunity to grow.

I imagine for Art Berg he just said "Well there's really not anything worse than this but death, so fuck it, why be scared of anything." He became a high-value social guy who, I can imagine, had an extremely magnetic personality. He dropped the ego and just did what he wanted.

Now to bring this story back full circle, think of this in terms of someone who has to tell his/her family and friends that he/she is gay. While I'm sure there are plenty of those friends and family members still hold the same respect and love for that individual, but there will always be people who don't approve and plenty of hurt and pain from that. I can tell you from stories I've heard, it can be extremely painful.

So after you've gone through that, through your deepest fears of being judged and hated, you kind of just go "Ehhh, it's not that bad. I'm still alive, I'm still here." You lose those things that hold you back: fear of judgement, fear of acceptance. It's a beautiful thing.

It's something I admire because it's something I struggle with every day of my life.

With that being said, I have the utmost respect anyone who just goes after what they want. I have the utmost respect for people who know what their values are and just go for it. I have the utmost respect who are afraid of what "could happen" and still push through the pain and uncomfortableness. Most importantly I have the utmost respect for people who give themselves permission to live life happily.

And this is why I like homosexuals.

Problems

Anytime you look at a problem in your life and dread having to face it, STOP---and remember that is is an opportunity to grow.

Alcohol

Ah yes, my friend Alcohol and I have had an interesting run the past 5 years. I say interesting only for the lack of a better term. I mean let's face it here, I've had the whole spectrum of emotions with booze.

There were the good times: The first time I drank, the second time I drank, the third time.....I am guessing the first 50 times never got dull. The first time I hooked up with a girl while drunk. Drinking at the Cubs game with my cousin, Drinking at the University of Iowa and going to a football game. Really the list goes on forever.

And of course you couldn't have the good without the bad, or odd: The first time puking, nope wait, any time I've puked. Blacking out, at U of I, twice! Dancing up on girls I had no business being within three feet of. Hooking up with girls who might not have without some help. Trying to fight a bouncer (at U of I no less). Hangovers. Hangovers that last a day. Anytime a girl crys while I'm drunk pretty much is never a real hoot. You get the point.

I've drank Jack, Jim, and Jose. I've drank Budweiser, Bud Light, and Budweiser select. Ive had irish carbombs, jagerbombs and cement mixers. Ive enjoyed martinis, margaritas, and pina coladas. At one time my drink of choice was McCormick's Vodka (mostly for economic reasons), which smell resembled that of a hand sanitizer.

Ive Beer Bonged, Shotgunned a beer, taken a shot, taken a double shot, chugged a pitcher, downed a flaming shot, licked spilt alcohol off a carpet (not kidding), and finished off a fifth by myself.

I am by no means an experienced drinker, and I can't hold an exorbitant amount of liquor. I've seen people who can, and my body is just not physically able to despite its polish ancestry. All those things that I have done are pretty typical, for a typical college student.

And through all of that I must truly say that I enjoy drinking (shockingly). No but seriously I love to drink. I have truly had some awesome times drinking, and it's some memories I'll never forget, and some memories I'll never remember no matter how hard I try. I have gained a healthy respect for it, and appreciate the fact that later in life I will be able to still enjoy alcohol, unlike some people, like my Uncle.

I'm sure at one time he enjoyed drinking as much as I did. Unfortunately for him, at some point in his life, having a jack and coke went from an enjoyable way to relax and have a good time to NEEDING a jack and coke in order to feel normal.

Most of us wake up in the morning and drag our half cloudy brains to the kitchen and grab some OJ or milk, and start making some breakfast. Uncle Bill goes to the kitchen, gets some coffee and begins his day off with some added Jim Beam. If he doesn't have some Jim Beam with his coffee he will begin to feel withdrawl symptoms, and for anyone aware of withdrawl symptoms, you understand why he needs to have his drink. By the end of the day (actually by the end of each and every day) he will have gone through a half gallon of Jim Beam on average. I'm sure if he's having a bad day he might push it to much more than that.

His physical deterioration has restricted him from being able to do many of the things he loves, like fishing with his nephews and even cutting his grass. The only time he leaves his house is to grab another boxfull of handles of Jim Beam. I've seen about four box fulls of empty Jim Beam boxes in his garage and a garbage can full of handles.

It's hard to imagine someone drinking so much alcohol, which is basically a poisonous substance in the body, and living to be 60, or even 50.

He is 50. or 52. something like that. I don't know how much longer his body can handle the daily bombardment it takes. It really can't be more than 10 years.

And as I reflect on that feeling of pity and helplessness, I just as soon take it back. He did this to himself, and if he truly had wanted help by now, he could have gotten it. I still look up to him as I always have, and I still love my uncle as I did when he showed me how to fish at 5 years old. I am just sad at his situation and what can happen to someone you love.

But I also owe him an ironic "Thank you", for teaching me a life lesson. Its not the cliched life lesson like "Appreciate time with your family" or "Don't have any regrets", although you can surely take that away from this.

No, for me, I learned how to appreciate alcohol (and many other things that can cause horrible addictions) as the double edged sword it is.

I just wish it hadn't come at the expense of my Uncle's life.