Now For Something a Little Different...

Forgive me for what I'm about to write.

I can only say that thinking deeply about reality (like really fucking deep) is something you should do more often. Yes, you.

Instead of avoiding being that weird person who "thinks too much", I say think deeply. Look between the layers of life. Look at the deep complexity of every issue. Observe how you react to different situations. Breath deep and do something you are entirely scared of. All the while look at the world through fresh eyes. Drop the image of yourself which needs to convince itself that it knows everything.

More than anything don't worry about other people.

Do you realize that most of your decisions are based on what other people think of you? It's why you don't do a lot of things you want to do. It's why you are going to die someday and wish you had done a whole lot more. It's the truth.

If you think about it, reality and your perception of it are completely clouded by the fact that you are a human being. When the universe was created, it is quite possible that it was an accident. It's entirely possible that the creation of the this universe we exist in has no purpose.

We aren't here to conquer the universe. We aren't here to love or to have children or anything. It is simply to exist.

It's simply to live. To be here. Can you handle that possibility?

Or are you going to run from it?

Turn on the TV because it will tickle the neurons in your brain. It will take care of you. It will tell you what to think. It is secure. It doesn't test your limits. It is a passive activity. It makes time pass by easier.

And your existence is whittled down to one life event to another, with some filler time between them.

You're existence is just a compilation or experiences that are completely insignificant. If society tells you that you have lived a extraordinary life, you can then feel validation.

The problem is that you'll never be significant. Because trying to be significant is impossible.

The universe we live in could be insignificant. It could be an atom in a molecule in a different universe. So trying to be significant is only a judgment value that in the end doesn't matter.

Have you followed what I'm saying so far? Chances are you have. You just don't trust yourself to believe what is inherently true about what I'm saying. Or you are trying to calculate whether this is something you are comfortable thinking about.

"I don't have thoughts like this" might be something that your brain (which tends to generate repetitive thought loops that it replays day after day) registers as thought.

But the fact is that we don't know anything. How you do know anything for sure?

I certainly can't confirm anything 100%, even when most things seem so certain. It's what being human is all about.

I want to push you to think more. I'm pushing myself to think more. Let's both agree to think more.

And when you think deeply, go and enjoy life. Because it's too short. Thinking deeply and living in the moment is truly the beautiful part about human experience.

Why We Don't Do Things

Why is it that we don't do what we want to do?

I'm talking about doing those things we've always wanted to do or try...like traveling in Europe or skydiving. Maybe you want to apologize to a friend or approach a cute girl/guy in the coffeeshop.

“Well, I just can't afford to save any money for vacation right now. Maybe later”

“Yeah I'd love to skydive but I'm not sure how it works or where I can go. Plus I really want to go with a friend. I'm too busy right now but maybe later”

“I'd totally approach that girl but I'm not wearing my best clothes, plus she probably has a boyfriend. Next time I see her I will.”

There are a myriad of excuses we could come up with as to why we aren't doing what we really want to do. And it makes sense doesn't it? Life these days is busy, oh so busy. In order to support ourselves financially, we have to work forty hours a week and commute for countless hours. Don't forget we still have to exercise and have fun and let loose every once in a while. Oh and don't forget families, we have to have family time.

And these are all valid excuses. You do need family time. You do need to enjoy yourselves and let loose. At your current spending level and income, a vacation is not possible. She very well could have a boyfriend.

But if you have lived on this earth for at least 18 years you should know by now that life is very short and very precious. How fast have the last year gone by? The last five? The last twenty five? In a blink.

So if it is possible to take a vacation to some exotic location, why not make the necessary sacrifices? Yeah that girl could have a boyfriend but why not make a decision to swallow the fear and uncertainty and go say hi. It could be the start to something great.

I hate the whole “Life is short/Carpe Diem” type of quotes because they have become a cheesy quote to flip out there in motivational speeches. But when you really think deeply about what they mean, it can change your perspective on things. It's not so much a cheesy quote as much it is a reminder to always be aligning yourself to what you are doing.

I try to always ask myself “Is what I am doing right now moving me closer to where I want to go and who I want to be?” Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes, it's no. And sometimes it's not applicable. But it brings clarity and through clarity you can gain focus and energy.

The point is to always be asking yourself some sort of question that realigns you with whatever purpose or goals or principles you have. If you aren't doing what you want to be doing, change what you're doing.

Don't listen to those little people who will tell you that you need to force yourself to be happy, that it's your own fault you're miserable. Sometimes you do need to adjust your attitude, sometimes you just need to change your situation. Only you will know.

And sometimes you'll be wrong, but you'll learn from it. And you'll learn that it's not a big deal.

You see, life is this malleable thing. You can shape it into whatever you want. And ultimately you decide what to mold it into. You make decisions about who and what you let in to your consciousness... which in turn, effects your paradigm of what life is meant to be.

You let negativity in, it will affect how you see the world. You let positivity in, it will affect how you see the world. Neither are a right or wrong but it is a choice every second of every day. Even when you aren't making a choice you are making a choice. If you are sitting in front of a television, you are a passive passenger but you decided to sit there in the first place.

So if you're always the decider making decisions (like dubya), then all those things you want to do are ultimately up to you, not to someone else or circumstance. You are no longer a victim, no longer can you play the blame game. You lose much of the power to blame, but gain strength through yourself, realizing that you can in fact do whatever you'd like.

So if you really want to go to South Africa, figure out a plan to get you on that path. It may seem like a daunting task but I'm confident you'll learn some wisdom about life that you can share with others. I'm sure of it.

Authentic Communication

So what is authentic communication?

Is it an intensely passionate political debate? Is it two people madly in love, talking about their favorite things? Is it people exchanging small talk for the first time?

As in anything, this is completely subjective but is still something to consider in ourselves because we are all social beings who (on some level) crave authentic, genuine communication and attention.

I personally think that many of us going through our lives thinking that we are connecting with people through our every day lives because “authentic communication” means that we are sharing our thoughts and feelings on certain topics, and therefore we are sharing ourselves and in turn being shared with. What a great thing!

At a superficial level, at the very surface of communication, someone knowing my favorite color (red by the way) is authentic. I do really like the color red, so this is genuine. I just told you. This is authentic communication, right?

Well, let’s look at it from a different perspective.

And in fact let’s look at our own lives. I say this in all earnest because if you take what I am about to say and then you look around at the world, I believe you can go into the process of believing there is no authentic communication going on in the world and that everything is completely fake and inauthentic. Even worse you’ll automatically find some sort of counter-example and discredit the idea.

So looking at our own lives, we can go around sharing ourselves yet there still might be a little something missing from social interactions. Sometimes we may rationalize it as “people don’t really listen when I share myself” or “everyone is fake” and on and on.

I myself sometimes find this in my thoughts. For example, from time to time I do try to push myself to LISTEN, like really listen, when people talk. By people I mean everyone, even if I don’t see the value in talking to certain people. I often get discouraged because I feel like I get walked all over. My sub-conscious is almost saying “Everyone is just using you to get their ideas out and get validation. You are just a doormat.”

I really think this is a horrible, horrible conclusion.

I think there is a lack of authentic communication is on my part. What I would say it really is, is this: Authentic communication is a form of self-expression that emanates from the “being” of the conversation, not of the “doing” of the conversation.

Uh oh. I know I probably just lost most people on that.

Ok ok, let me put in better terms. Authentic communication is not about what is being said. It can be an extremely intelligent conversation, or it can even two people sitting together sitting together in silence.

For anyone who paints, writes, sings, plays a sport, they may know of the idea of “being in the moment.” I remember reading an interview with Shaquille O’neal where he talks about how when he is playing basketball everything is in “slow motion.” For others there is an inner-peace and calm. Usually the mental chatter in your mind goes away. This is being “in state”.

This idea is at the core of authentic communication. I find, when two people are debating politics, even if it is mild mannered, there is almost no self-expression going on. One side my be trying to persuade. One side might be trying to impress. Irregardless, there is so self-expression. It is not about winning or losing, looking to impress or to make anyone feel inferior.

If anything self-expression is meant to for the person who is “self-expressing.” I imagine a painter who is really “in state” while painting might find the paychecks he receives for his paintings gratifying, but in the end it is the process of painting where the fulfillment is found.

So I want to wrap this up with a suggestion (for myself and for others) for those who want are looking for ideas on how to self-express and help others to find this through themselves. I find the best way is to just learn to enjoy people for the core essence that they are in fact a person. Just listen, without judgement, without thinking of all the cool things you could add to the conversation. Turn off the thoughts while listening.

I can hear your thoughts already “But Andy! You can’t just turn off your thoughts! That’s stupid. If I didn’t think I’d be an ignorant moron that is completely empty inside.”

Listen, turning off your thoughts doesn’t mean being blissfully ignorant and accepting everyone else’s idea’s without protest. What I am saying is calm down the mental chatter. Your mind and thoughts are not you. It is a part of you, but the real you is the that part that can appreciate others for human beings, rather than judging them as better or worse, richer or poorer, meaner or nicer.

Something simple to do while listening is to just to focus on your breathing while someone is talking. Feel each breath go in and out of your lungs. If you can really feel that, it’s an intensely peaceful feeling. Do this while listening and your listening skills are just so greatly enhanced.

And from this position true communication will flow. After practicing this you may find yourself saying things, and vibing socially like you never have. Often times I say some funny whitty thing and go “where the hell did that come from?” It came out of being in the moment. And usually it is more self-entertaining than trying so desperately to make someone else laugh.

Self-expression is where the true fulfillment comes from.

I really hope this can help anyone else who is trying to get more towards the core of being genuine and towards the age old adage of “being themselves.”