My Short Response

This blog post is a response to this anonymous posting on my failin.gs account:

"You put your efforts into having mediocre relationships with tons of people instead of building deep & genuine relationships with a select few"

First things first: Thank you for being honest with your thoughts.

I was hoping that failin.gs would be a place where friends could leave their honest thoughts about any short-comings I may have. Well, that is exactly what that post contains.

My goal is to not hide from criticism of people around me but to, at the very least, be aware of it. Anyhow, I felt like I should respond directly to it. Here ya go:

First of all, the criticism is fair but is it accurate?

The fact is, we yearn for deep genuine connections as opposed to having a long list of people with whom we call "friends". Ask popular celebrities, politicians or artists who have millions of fans yet can't find many real authentic connections with people. Many of them end up having depression or drug problems (or they end up finding some wisdom/enlightenment from their situation). It's something worth noting.

However, is it possible to do both? Do you have to sacrifice the quality of connections when you decide to have more in quantity? Can you have a large circle of friends but also have deep genuine connections with people close to you?

Absolutely. It's an unequivocal yes, in my opinion.

Look, there are people who are in my life right now with whom I want to get to know even better and to build a deep relationship with. Seriously. Some of these people probably don't even know, but I want to hang out with them more, talk about life and all that shit.

But the fact is, I don't feel a lack in that area in my life. There isn't a void or unhappiness in that department. There are enough genuine connections with enough people that I am satisfied. It's the truth.

So it begs the question: what is the poster of this opinion getting at? Is there something else that might lie at the heart of the issue?

Is it that the author of this quote feels like I have not made an effort to keep up the relationship? Maybe.

Does he/she feel like I am not as happy as I could be because of said reason? I'm as happy as I've ever been, life is good. So I can't see that being it.

Does he/she feel like I treat people as just another person and not uniquely? I don't feel like that's the case, but I really just don't know.

While it's easy to read and understand the "failing", I don't see how building even deeper connections with fewer people is going to improve my life. It just doesn't click in my head.

Although it may not be easy to tell, I try to value everyone in my life for each individual trait they bring to the table. I may not agree with everyone and their actions but I still love them all the same. So if you ever have something you want to talk to me about, my door is always open. Even if it's something that I would not like to hear, I'd still like my friends to tell me. Period. So if you are reading this, then you are probably my friend, so this applies to you. And I certainly mean it.

The whole point of this is that I am a big dork and I take this stuff rather serious (as you can see). As hard as it is (initially) to read something like that post, I appreciate it more than words can say.

Now For Something a Little Different...

Forgive me for what I'm about to write.

I can only say that thinking deeply about reality (like really fucking deep) is something you should do more often. Yes, you.

Instead of avoiding being that weird person who "thinks too much", I say think deeply. Look between the layers of life. Look at the deep complexity of every issue. Observe how you react to different situations. Breath deep and do something you are entirely scared of. All the while look at the world through fresh eyes. Drop the image of yourself which needs to convince itself that it knows everything.

More than anything don't worry about other people.

Do you realize that most of your decisions are based on what other people think of you? It's why you don't do a lot of things you want to do. It's why you are going to die someday and wish you had done a whole lot more. It's the truth.

If you think about it, reality and your perception of it are completely clouded by the fact that you are a human being. When the universe was created, it is quite possible that it was an accident. It's entirely possible that the creation of the this universe we exist in has no purpose.

We aren't here to conquer the universe. We aren't here to love or to have children or anything. It is simply to exist.

It's simply to live. To be here. Can you handle that possibility?

Or are you going to run from it?

Turn on the TV because it will tickle the neurons in your brain. It will take care of you. It will tell you what to think. It is secure. It doesn't test your limits. It is a passive activity. It makes time pass by easier.

And your existence is whittled down to one life event to another, with some filler time between them.

You're existence is just a compilation or experiences that are completely insignificant. If society tells you that you have lived a extraordinary life, you can then feel validation.

The problem is that you'll never be significant. Because trying to be significant is impossible.

The universe we live in could be insignificant. It could be an atom in a molecule in a different universe. So trying to be significant is only a judgment value that in the end doesn't matter.

Have you followed what I'm saying so far? Chances are you have. You just don't trust yourself to believe what is inherently true about what I'm saying. Or you are trying to calculate whether this is something you are comfortable thinking about.

"I don't have thoughts like this" might be something that your brain (which tends to generate repetitive thought loops that it replays day after day) registers as thought.

But the fact is that we don't know anything. How you do know anything for sure?

I certainly can't confirm anything 100%, even when most things seem so certain. It's what being human is all about.

I want to push you to think more. I'm pushing myself to think more. Let's both agree to think more.

And when you think deeply, go and enjoy life. Because it's too short. Thinking deeply and living in the moment is truly the beautiful part about human experience.

Why We Don't Do Things

Why is it that we don't do what we want to do?

I'm talking about doing those things we've always wanted to do or try...like traveling in Europe or skydiving. Maybe you want to apologize to a friend or approach a cute girl/guy in the coffeeshop.

“Well, I just can't afford to save any money for vacation right now. Maybe later”

“Yeah I'd love to skydive but I'm not sure how it works or where I can go. Plus I really want to go with a friend. I'm too busy right now but maybe later”

“I'd totally approach that girl but I'm not wearing my best clothes, plus she probably has a boyfriend. Next time I see her I will.”

There are a myriad of excuses we could come up with as to why we aren't doing what we really want to do. And it makes sense doesn't it? Life these days is busy, oh so busy. In order to support ourselves financially, we have to work forty hours a week and commute for countless hours. Don't forget we still have to exercise and have fun and let loose every once in a while. Oh and don't forget families, we have to have family time.

And these are all valid excuses. You do need family time. You do need to enjoy yourselves and let loose. At your current spending level and income, a vacation is not possible. She very well could have a boyfriend.

But if you have lived on this earth for at least 18 years you should know by now that life is very short and very precious. How fast have the last year gone by? The last five? The last twenty five? In a blink.

So if it is possible to take a vacation to some exotic location, why not make the necessary sacrifices? Yeah that girl could have a boyfriend but why not make a decision to swallow the fear and uncertainty and go say hi. It could be the start to something great.

I hate the whole “Life is short/Carpe Diem” type of quotes because they have become a cheesy quote to flip out there in motivational speeches. But when you really think deeply about what they mean, it can change your perspective on things. It's not so much a cheesy quote as much it is a reminder to always be aligning yourself to what you are doing.

I try to always ask myself “Is what I am doing right now moving me closer to where I want to go and who I want to be?” Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes, it's no. And sometimes it's not applicable. But it brings clarity and through clarity you can gain focus and energy.

The point is to always be asking yourself some sort of question that realigns you with whatever purpose or goals or principles you have. If you aren't doing what you want to be doing, change what you're doing.

Don't listen to those little people who will tell you that you need to force yourself to be happy, that it's your own fault you're miserable. Sometimes you do need to adjust your attitude, sometimes you just need to change your situation. Only you will know.

And sometimes you'll be wrong, but you'll learn from it. And you'll learn that it's not a big deal.

You see, life is this malleable thing. You can shape it into whatever you want. And ultimately you decide what to mold it into. You make decisions about who and what you let in to your consciousness... which in turn, effects your paradigm of what life is meant to be.

You let negativity in, it will affect how you see the world. You let positivity in, it will affect how you see the world. Neither are a right or wrong but it is a choice every second of every day. Even when you aren't making a choice you are making a choice. If you are sitting in front of a television, you are a passive passenger but you decided to sit there in the first place.

So if you're always the decider making decisions (like dubya), then all those things you want to do are ultimately up to you, not to someone else or circumstance. You are no longer a victim, no longer can you play the blame game. You lose much of the power to blame, but gain strength through yourself, realizing that you can in fact do whatever you'd like.

So if you really want to go to South Africa, figure out a plan to get you on that path. It may seem like a daunting task but I'm confident you'll learn some wisdom about life that you can share with others. I'm sure of it.