My Short Response

This blog post is a response to this anonymous posting on my failin.gs account:

"You put your efforts into having mediocre relationships with tons of people instead of building deep & genuine relationships with a select few"

First things first: Thank you for being honest with your thoughts.

I was hoping that failin.gs would be a place where friends could leave their honest thoughts about any short-comings I may have. Well, that is exactly what that post contains.

My goal is to not hide from criticism of people around me but to, at the very least, be aware of it. Anyhow, I felt like I should respond directly to it. Here ya go:

First of all, the criticism is fair but is it accurate?

The fact is, we yearn for deep genuine connections as opposed to having a long list of people with whom we call "friends". Ask popular celebrities, politicians or artists who have millions of fans yet can't find many real authentic connections with people. Many of them end up having depression or drug problems (or they end up finding some wisdom/enlightenment from their situation). It's something worth noting.

However, is it possible to do both? Do you have to sacrifice the quality of connections when you decide to have more in quantity? Can you have a large circle of friends but also have deep genuine connections with people close to you?

Absolutely. It's an unequivocal yes, in my opinion.

Look, there are people who are in my life right now with whom I want to get to know even better and to build a deep relationship with. Seriously. Some of these people probably don't even know, but I want to hang out with them more, talk about life and all that shit.

But the fact is, I don't feel a lack in that area in my life. There isn't a void or unhappiness in that department. There are enough genuine connections with enough people that I am satisfied. It's the truth.

So it begs the question: what is the poster of this opinion getting at? Is there something else that might lie at the heart of the issue?

Is it that the author of this quote feels like I have not made an effort to keep up the relationship? Maybe.

Does he/she feel like I am not as happy as I could be because of said reason? I'm as happy as I've ever been, life is good. So I can't see that being it.

Does he/she feel like I treat people as just another person and not uniquely? I don't feel like that's the case, but I really just don't know.

While it's easy to read and understand the "failing", I don't see how building even deeper connections with fewer people is going to improve my life. It just doesn't click in my head.

Although it may not be easy to tell, I try to value everyone in my life for each individual trait they bring to the table. I may not agree with everyone and their actions but I still love them all the same. So if you ever have something you want to talk to me about, my door is always open. Even if it's something that I would not like to hear, I'd still like my friends to tell me. Period. So if you are reading this, then you are probably my friend, so this applies to you. And I certainly mean it.

The whole point of this is that I am a big dork and I take this stuff rather serious (as you can see). As hard as it is (initially) to read something like that post, I appreciate it more than words can say.

Now For Something a Little Different...

Forgive me for what I'm about to write.

I can only say that thinking deeply about reality (like really fucking deep) is something you should do more often. Yes, you.

Instead of avoiding being that weird person who "thinks too much", I say think deeply. Look between the layers of life. Look at the deep complexity of every issue. Observe how you react to different situations. Breath deep and do something you are entirely scared of. All the while look at the world through fresh eyes. Drop the image of yourself which needs to convince itself that it knows everything.

More than anything don't worry about other people.

Do you realize that most of your decisions are based on what other people think of you? It's why you don't do a lot of things you want to do. It's why you are going to die someday and wish you had done a whole lot more. It's the truth.

If you think about it, reality and your perception of it are completely clouded by the fact that you are a human being. When the universe was created, it is quite possible that it was an accident. It's entirely possible that the creation of the this universe we exist in has no purpose.

We aren't here to conquer the universe. We aren't here to love or to have children or anything. It is simply to exist.

It's simply to live. To be here. Can you handle that possibility?

Or are you going to run from it?

Turn on the TV because it will tickle the neurons in your brain. It will take care of you. It will tell you what to think. It is secure. It doesn't test your limits. It is a passive activity. It makes time pass by easier.

And your existence is whittled down to one life event to another, with some filler time between them.

You're existence is just a compilation or experiences that are completely insignificant. If society tells you that you have lived a extraordinary life, you can then feel validation.

The problem is that you'll never be significant. Because trying to be significant is impossible.

The universe we live in could be insignificant. It could be an atom in a molecule in a different universe. So trying to be significant is only a judgment value that in the end doesn't matter.

Have you followed what I'm saying so far? Chances are you have. You just don't trust yourself to believe what is inherently true about what I'm saying. Or you are trying to calculate whether this is something you are comfortable thinking about.

"I don't have thoughts like this" might be something that your brain (which tends to generate repetitive thought loops that it replays day after day) registers as thought.

But the fact is that we don't know anything. How you do know anything for sure?

I certainly can't confirm anything 100%, even when most things seem so certain. It's what being human is all about.

I want to push you to think more. I'm pushing myself to think more. Let's both agree to think more.

And when you think deeply, go and enjoy life. Because it's too short. Thinking deeply and living in the moment is truly the beautiful part about human experience.