There Is No End

Hollywood movies have effectively brainwashed the masses into believing that one day we'll “make it” and our struggles will finally be over.

I call it the “Fade to Black” fallacy.

At the end of nearly every movie the football team wins, the guy gets the girl and James Bond saves the world. Almost immediately, the screen fades to black and we all leave feeling good.

"Riding off into the sunset..."

Leaving on a high note after the culmination of the story leaves the audience to believe that one day they will ride off into the sunset too, once they finally get the money or the status or whatever. If only our big problem is solved can we finally be at peace. The dream is to get something “handled” so we don't have to spend time and energy on it anymore.

The thing is, reaching a goal is not the end because life always goes on.

After you (or your team) win the Super Bowl, the initial high reverts back to whatever it was before the victory. Not saying that the immense pride is ever lost but the “elated feeling” eventually goes away. The next season eventually starts and you have to prove yourself again.

Let's be honest, winning the Super Bowl will make you happy. It'd be pretty friggin' awesome. But just how long does that little piece of self-esteem last? How long does it take to go back to the previous state of mind? I'm willing to bet pretty quickly.

THE PERVERTED FALLACY

The perverted fallacy is that we'll be happy in the future, once we finally get what want. Do whatever it takes, the thinking goes, and it will all be worth it in the end.

Unfortunately, the present moment is all there ever is. No one can live outside of this very moment. Any projection into that future day is just a movie in the head. It's NOT REAL.

The priority should be to feel good and happy right now. And it should be an urgent priority at that.

Living day after day in the mind-state of future goals only conditions the brain to hurry through each day as quickly as possible. Just check it off the list as one day closer to that party next week. One less day to that possible promotion. One less day to retirement. One less day until death.

It seems harmless until you consider that our brains are like freaking sponges and soak up whatever we give to it. By being in this mind-state for years and years, I truly believe that people condition their brain become bitter and decrepit. They look back and are mad that the false promise didn't work. Reaching their goal never materialized true happiness.

THE COLD TRUTH

No matter what goal it is that is realized, whether it's becoming a billionaire or a mega celebrity, the salvation will always be a bar of soap slipping out of grasp. The money would certainly provide for a better lifestyle but riding around in a helicopter or living in a mansion doesn't fill the empty cup inside most of us.

The party always ends

Even a future event, like an awesome party next week, will ultimately be a let-down because it will end. And then real life comes back. On Monday you go back to work. The party will only then be a memory, a story in the head.

To make “being happy” and “fulfilled” a priority is tough. It's completely vague. Where do you even start? I'm pretty sure humans have been trying to figure it out since the discovery of language. It's not an easy answer.

I say, instead of trying to find self-esteem, it may just be better to know what doesn't work.

Looking to the future to bring us peace? That just isn't it.

Victory in Defeat

Wouldn't it be great if we lived in a world where nothing bad ever happened?

How about a world where we always get every we want?

On paper it sounds pretty fantastic.

But of course, that is just not reality.

In reality we have death. And loss. And sadness. And failure. And broken trust. And let downs. And negativity. And bad weather. These are not debatable opinions, it's just the nature of the world we live in.

Each life experience only reinforces the fact that this is the norm. Failure and loss cannot be avoided. So the question becomes; how do we deal with defeat and move on?

This question has been answered by many people and the answer is usually the same; learn from your mistakes, have a short memory and move on.

Solid advice in my opinion, but losing and failure is so much more than a learning lesson. Personally, I cherish the failure and recognize it as completely necessary for a rich life.

WHY CHERISH FAILURE

In my head, I have a map of “the way the world works”. This map has been molded through years of collected experience of successes and failures. With it, I can try and predict how the world is going to work in the future.

You'd think that after 27 years I would have enough experience to have a pretty accurate map of how the world works. This is just not the case.

The funny thing about our reality maps is that the very thing that makes them so accurate, is the one thing that most of us want to avoid. And that is failing.

Failure is feedback that something is wrong with our maps. They weren't accurate and need to change, if only slightly.

But that can be really hard. Like really hard.

How likely is it that most people are willing to admit that they could be wrong? It's more likely that we're going to bury ourselves into to false mindset. Being wrong exposes us to criticism and self-doubt. It feels icky.

So we end up avoiding the one thing that could free us up to succeed more. In other words, if only people actively failed more, they would probably see more success. Talk about a dichotomy.

This may not make sense but it has been a pattern I've seen in successful people I know.

FAILURE IS AN AGENT FOR CHANGE

Going after difficult goals means that something has to change. Whether that something is your habits or some personality trait is irrelevant, but success will require something to change.

If I was somehow to promoted to CEO of McDonald's or Walmart or whatever, I would fall flat on my face. I'd be overwhelmed. To go from my current work-ethic to that of a Fortune 500 CEO would take a long time.

Could you pull it off, at this very moment, if asked to step up?

HELL NO. I know I couldn't.

It's not that these Fortune 500 CEO's are genetically gifted or superior to you and I, it's just that they have gone through the experiences of success and failure for that position. They have a more accurate map for leadership Simple as that.

So failure shapes the map of reality. Without it, you'd never have to change.

Personally, I don't “like” failing but spectacular failure almost always forces me to focus my thoughts. With a clear mind, I can rationally sit and contemplate those things that caused me to fail. Was it something I did? Was it my approach? Was I being lazy? What needs to be changed?

FAILURE IS THE NORM

No one enjoys failure per se. It sucks. The way to deal with it is to fully expect it and understand it as normal.

Dieting is a lesson in this exact phenomena.

People expect to diet perfectly after January 1^st despite their habits to the contrary. After a couple weeks they fall off the diet and binge (because falling off is INEVITABLE). The healthy path of going through the binge is to just to reflect on your actions and just shrug it off as a learning lesson.

Instead, I see a lot of people who binge, then self-hate themselves right back into their old habits.

“Why try when I can't avoid an eating binge?”

Because a binge is NORMAL. Snapping back into old habits is NORMAL. Missing on your commitments is NORMAL. Falling off the horse is NORMAL. Not being perfect is NORMAL.

When I lost 50 pounds I fell off constantly. My diet would be going perfectly and suddenly one cookie would turn into 2,000 calories worth of crap later. It happened in the beginning and less so as time progressed.

It didn't demoralize me because I “knew the deal”. It happens. No biggie.

Of course when it does happen I would self-reflect and all that stuff. I'd even self hate a little. I'd be like “Andy you suck. You're better than this. Get it together”. But I'd move on and try and let it go.

This is not a gimmicky approach by any means. It's not just positive thinking. It's just a more refreshing take on the reality of life. Instead of getting demoralized by all the little failures, it's worth taking the time to appreciate why it happens.

Just Show Up

"Eighty percent of success is showing up" -Woody Allen

My motto in life is “Just show up”.

As a recovering perfectionist, my biggest struggle in life is terror of creating something that won't meet my ideal standards.

The paradox is that in order to create high quality stuff, you have to go through long periods of crappy quality creating.

This blog will attest to that. I will rarely write something that I am super proud of (like my piece on “Wishing things were different” or “Motivation Re-Defined” or “Authentic Communication”).  I rarely feel like writing when I sit down in front of the computer.  Before writing this I sat in front of a blank screen wondering what to write.

But every day I open  up the computer screen because I:

1. Know I could potentially create something amazing
2. Will continue to improve if I just write something, anything
3. Will, by the end of the 30 minutes of writing, be completely engrossed in what I'm doing
4. Will be content when I finish because I followed through on my commitment

It will be interesting to see where my writing will be in a year but I'm willing to bet it will be markedly better.  And in 5 years?  It'll be stellar beyond what I can probably even imagine.

But that's a sexy idea to think about.  Results are sexy.  The process of getting there?  Not quite.

The reason so few people can reach that "mastery level" of creation is because it's not sexy to do something day in and day out without clearly getting better.  It feels like banging your head on a wall expecting it to eventually bust through.

The better metaphor for the situation is Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption escaping prison by chipping away at tiny pieces of rock EVERY SINGLE NIGHT in his jail cell for years.

It is not an appealing prospect to think of achieving success like this but it's simply the reality I see played back to me over and over again.

So if I am going to show up every day and write, I have to accept that some days I will write some shitty content.  It means I show up regardless of how I feel.  Because if I show up only when I feel like, I rarely will.  That means I will show up and give half-ass efforts at times, but I'll do it because preservation of the habit is supreme to everything else.

I think having high standards is an honorable choice to make, but in reality, I see it holding people back.  It's important to strive to be great and to push ourselves to be as awesome as we can be, but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that showing up is fundamental.

Not being perfect sounds like a good excuse.  Actually, I'd say it is a great excuse.  But excuses are always just really clever rationalizations for avoiding doing something.  In the end our brains are really lazy and can come up with any reason not to do something.

Instead, I think it's better to accept being imperfect and just go on with striving to be a high quality creator in whatever form it is.

People will tell you that you aren't good enough or aren't talented enough but following the motto of just showing up will shut up these critics.....over time.

So either this will be a weird cryptic prediction of the future of my writing (and a great example of how to create high quality content) or it will be an epic display of failure on my part and how I am wrong wrong wrong.

Either way it should be interesting.

:-)

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Inertia of the Mind

This morning I awoke to a splitting headache.

A seven day stretch of work and lack of sleep culminated into today's pounding skull.  My body was doing its regular "Slow Down Andy" routine.

This is not an ideal situation for productivity.  Instead of jumping out of bed and getting right into the day's tasks (such as cleaning the apartment, getting dressed, figuring out what needs to be done that day) I did my best imitation of a slug.  Minus the sliminess.

I sat in bed with my computer on my lap in a daze.  Halfway between conscious and unconscious, I spent about an hour just flipping around the internet.  Truth be told, while most of it was just stories about last night's presidential election, it was a total waste of time.  Worst of all, what started as a "I'll just check one or two news stories" ended up being 10 or so different articles topped with a couple videos.

And it ended up perpetuating the slug mode even more.

SLUG MODE?  REALLY?
How in the world is it possible to get into lazy slug mode?

This has frustrated me for the longest time; the fact that I have the capability to be both highly motivated in one instance and utterly lazy in another.

I've set high goals for myself and being lazy is a real issue.  For once, there is a vested interest to get to the root of the problem.

Well, recently it has started to make sense.  I'd like to think of it as "mind inertia".

MIND INERTIA?  REALLY?
Mind inertia is just some funky word I completely pulled out of my ass.  Busted.

But it illustrates the idea that our minds are similar to a big freight train; they both need a great deal of energy to stop and get started.

Think of TV watching.  Once you've started watching television for an hour, how likely is it that you are going to be able to press the off button?

Think about that.  Your sitting on a soft couch.  Maybe you're underneath a blanket.  Your mind has become used to the different flashing images and stimulus that is video.  To contemplate doing something else, say to go exercise or read a book, is not going to seem appealing.

It's because your brain has readily adapted to what you're doing.

GETTING OUT OF MY SLUG MODE
So this morning my brain had really dug it's claws into being lazy.

I remember thinking, as I lay there on my bed, that the window for being productive was getting smaller as the time passed.  At some point, the energy to get myself to accomplish all the goals for the day (like to write this post) were going to get rationalized away.

So, just like jumping into a cold pool, I shut the lid of my computer mid-video.  It was much harder than it sounds.

Being that today is a workout day, I stumbled around the room getting workout clothes on and packing up my backpack.  I proceeded to head out the door feeling like complete shit.  But I made a promise to myself long ago that I won't miss workout days and so my legs carried me to the gym.

And the craziest thing happened.

The workout was not only great but I left the gym feeling energized and ready to tackle the day.  The headache was gone and it was a a prime lesson in following through on commitments regardless of how I feel.

I shed the slug mode for a productive suit in a matter of an hour.  But it wasn't easy.

CHANGING TRACKS
In my mind, there is only one true way to break free from laziness and wasted energy; to take action.

This morning it meant to close my computer lid.  Then to get on my workout clothes.  Then to walk to the gym.  You get the point.

This isn't groundbreaking by any means, but it is a simple solution to a difficult problem.

But I wasn't looking for a quick fix to the problem.  I wasn't looking for some motivational gimmick that was going to give me energy to do something.  I knew the only route from point A to point B was me providing the spark.

ABOUT TAKING ACTION...
And when I say take action, I mean taking action:

• regardless of emotion
• every day
• that focuses your mind's attention

Take action regardless of emotion because if you avoid doing something because you're tired, you'll never ever do it.  If it's being tired one day, it'll be muscle cramps the next.  Or a headache.  Or because you deserve a day off.  And suddenly you haven't done it in months.

Taking action every day conditions the brain to break free of whatever current activity it's "used to" on a regular basis.  As a habit, not as a gimmicky trick, every-day action builds up that mental muscle that is able to press the off button on the TV when you know you need to go work out.  Done every day it only gets easier over time.

Taking action that focuses your mind's attention means participating in an activity where your brain is forced to focus on a particular task.  Basically, this means an activity that doesn't allow for passive attention (ahem, television).  However, it very well could be washing the dishes.

Oh yes I did.

For me, that has been some of the basic patterns I follow for having more control over my mind.

Because that's really what it is; me vs. myself (see left).  Or you vs. your mind.

 There will always be two opposing forces in your head, one that wants to relax and chill, and the other that is energetic and hungry to go after it's goals.  Knowing how to access the latter is quite an amazing thing.  But it's very hard.

Kind of like getting a freight train started.