"The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them."
— Paulo Coelho (Author of The Alchemist)
From my perspective, one of the most important things I've learned is that problems can't always be "thought" through. Like most people, I always assumed that when I hit a road block, it was time to put on my thinking cap and just think harder. Through mental strain and focused concentration, I will eventually bust through and come up with a revelation. Seems to make sense, right?
But the mind is an interesting thing; it doesn't really work that way. Let me demonstrate through three examples:
- Fighting with a spouse/friend. Think of the emotions, of the thoughts that occupy your headspace. If you're being honest, you'd have to say that most of them are repetitive and useless. Many times you are proving to yourself over and over that you are right. When emotions are involved this is especially true. This ends up hardening some people and leads to physical violence or just the end of many salvable relationships.
- When you are nervous to talk to someone. Normally, I find myself getting nervous when talking to a beautiful woman or someone else who has value (the boss of a company who I'd very much like to work for). On some level when I interact with either of these two people I am "going into my head" in order to pre-plan what I am going to say, or just to play the mental movie of what could happen. This tends to make the interaction feel a bit "off" and the natural rythym of human interaction just doesn't feel right.
- Solving some difficult math problem or any analytical type problem that needs intense focus. This strategy provides that you go into your head to make the connections. Oftentimes you can spend long periods of time in intense focus to realize the answer was very simple. Overthinking actually was the source of the problem and could have used some "right-brain" thinking, at least in the sense to help re-charge the left brain.
All three of these scenarios (despite not having any perceived commonalities) bring to the light my idea that thinking doesn't solve all problems. Sure, our brains are pretty friggin' cool, I mean we have conquered the Earth in ways no animal can come close to, but human ingenuity has some big blind spots. And that blind spot is that thinking = always good.
THOUGHT IS GREAT, BUT...
The whole notion that thinking equates intelligence is just plain wrong. Yes, human thought has created modern medicine and skyscrapers, but it also had a big part in the holocaust and all the wars in which millions of people have needlessly died. So let's agree to put that to rest.
Obviously, there must be some alternative. There must be a way to think but in a useful way, which keeps us from getting in our own way.
GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD (the alternative)
The idea of not being in my head, or not thinking, really is a misnomer; it doesn't mean I actually stop thinking. It means I'm not trying to think, I let it happen. I wrote about "being like water", and really that would be the perfect example.
You are using your thinking brain but not forcing it. It's a balancing act.
In the example of fighting with your spouse, you have to be able to have some perspective on the situation, but your thoughts keep you trapped in heat of the moment. Being nervous in social situations is caused by some form of performance anxiety, or because you place a really high value on the outcome of the interaction. Instead, let go of the myriad of thoughts reinforcing how important this conversation is and let go of expectations. Just see what happens. The math problem does require you to think, and it could be solved but your analytic brain is overly stressed. It needs a break.
But no, oftentimes we choose to bang our heads against the wall. We choose the repetitive (useless) thoughts control us and tell us we are right, that our spouse is wrong, and that all this math problem needs is more thinking. Or that I can plan out an entire conversation in my head so everything will go better.
It's funny because none of these ever work, yet we all keep trying them over and over.
NOT THINKING DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A ZOMBIE
Look, the one counterexample that will make most people oppose the idea of "not thinking" is because they will equate it with being a zombie. Or a drooling retard. Which is silly.
Look, getting out of your head simply means you use the immense power of thinking, not letting it use you. The way I describe no-thinking can also be described as a super-relaxed state in which everything just flows right and it never feels like you are straining for any outcome of anything. But yet everything works out so well. Some people call it "being in the zone".
And this is why it is so hard to describe. Because thinking about it won't help you get there.
STRATEGIES TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The easiest ways to get away from repetitive thought are often seemingly simple. But they are powerful when done correctly.
- Sleep
- Can't we all relate to this? You can be really sad/mad about something so much that it ruins your day, but is cured by a good nights rest.
- Take an Active Break
- Whenever I get stuck or get angry I take a break or walk away. But I have found the best breaks are ones where I go and do something that involves my active attention. It can literally be as easy as calling an old friend and catching up or playing sodoku. A laugh here or a good feeling there has been the perfect cure for getting out of my head.
- Write/Paint/Create
- Whenever angst pops it's head up, I write. I write everything out, all my feelings. And it almost always helps. I think half of it comes from the fact that I am clarifying my thoughts, but the other half is that my brain is actively participating and it's attention is focused on some productive medium. That's why I could imagine that painters or photographers could also share that feeling as well.
- Bitch and Complain
- Yes, bitching and complaining can have their purpose. Obviously, it should be done as consturctively as possible. Many times when I am mad, I will complain to a friend in order to just air my thoughts and have my friends tell me what they think. That way, I can't keep the same thought loops going over and over and over and over which serve to just make me feel worse.
- Be Silly/Out of Character
- While this sounds dumb, it actually works. When I find myself nervous in social situations or anything, I do something that is super-embarassing, something that is really out of character for me. I'll start barking like a dog or imitating a chicken (Yes, I'm serious). While I feel like an ass, it helps to loosen me up. All those feelings of fear that you will look really dumb will come true and they end up not being nearly as bad. After imitating a chicken, my mind frees up and I can usually move forward with a more clear focus on the present situation.
SIMPLE WISDOM
Going back to the quote that leads into this post, many times the most simple of things actually contain the most wisdom. Let go of thinking is simple and is completely counter-intuitive to what common knowledge has taught us. But my experience has led me to believe that it can be pretty friggin' awesome.
I can only speak for myself that it has made a big difference in bettering my life. I don't see why it can't be true for everybody else.
