The Beauty in Growth

Growing is pretty sweet.

Yes, the growth of an adolescent to adult is an amazing thing.  Same with the building of a skyscraper.

However, the type of growth I'm talking about isn't physical. It's usually only observable. It can't always be measured.

That's definitely growth right there.

Like when someone get's their finances in order. Or decides to quit smoking. Or makes an effort to stop avoiding confrontation. Or tries to be more social. Or attempts to meditate consistently. Or wants to make more money through a side job.

That's the kind of personal growth that rocks.

Like everything though, there is a dark side. It usually rears itself through unhappiness and ambition.

I would never ever consider working hard towards a goal to be a bad thing, but there are very many ambitious people who I don't want to aspire to be.

The difference is at the most basic level. Are you trying to get your finances in order so that other people will finally respect you? Are you doing it so that you can allow yourself to feel good at the end of it all?

Or are you doing it because it's a challenge? Because you feel like learning something new is fun? Maybe you just want to try something different.

These two approaches are completely opposed to one another.

One comes from a state of trying to “add something”. It is saying that you feel incomplete. Once you reach the goal you will find that elusive completeness.

The other approach says you feel good but are interested in challenging yourself for the sake of challenging yourself. If you feel like it will be a great opportunity to learn about yourself, about what gets you going and what makes you ticks, then you are probably coming from a better place.

Chances are good that you are coming from a place that is in between.

You feel that going after XYZ goal will add a dimension of peace or happiness to your life (that isn't there) but also are excited at a new challenge. It is rarely 100% one way or the other.

Yes, this picture has nothing to do with this post.  Or does it?

Besides, coming from a place of incompleteness can lead you to that second place. Becoming a workaholic to make more money (which is perceived as more happiness) can lead a person to burn out. Burning out can lead you to see that life is short and that it's not worth it to give your life to your job. From there, motivations change and you can strive after what makes you happy and energized.

So in the end improving yourself in any way shape or form is a good thing. It doesn't matter what it is or where you're coming from or if you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. 

Those are all just excuses for inaction anyway.

Focus Is Everything

If I asked you right now to stop and explain all the things on your mind at this current moment, what would you say?

Chances are good you'd have a lot going through your mind.

You've got bills due soon. You didn't sleep much last night so maybe you'll go to bed early tonight. Maybe you're thinking about a troubling conversation that you had with your boss today. Maybe your thinking about eating cheesecake (num num).

What do you spend your time focused on?

On some level you are splitting your focus between all these thoughts (and probably more). You figure that if you can just split your thinking between a bunch of different things, you'll be able to best handle them.

And that works. To a degree.

On a day to day basis most of us can get by. Granted it tends to be a less than ideal existence as we move farther away from experiencing the joy of 'not thinking'; what I like to think of as true relaxation.

But we get by. The bills get paid.  We continue to make a living. We wake up to another day. It works.

The truth is though, it really doesn't.

What I have noticed most consistently with not only myself but others is that it really defers life in a big way. It begins to put life in a perspective of passing events rather than of spontaneity and real happiness.  It sucks the joy and the wonder out.

This condition of a scattered brain prevents you from focusing on the rather important things like your health. Your important relationships. Improving yourself. Improving your financial situation. Practicing some skill or talent.

The list is really freakin' long of all the stuff we want to do. But we all promise to do them in the future when we “have the time” or the money. Sadly, I can't tell you how many people tell me that they wished they had travel when they we're younger, a perfect example of 15-20 years going by and deferring life.

My guess is that there is certainly a good amount of reasons that contribute to why so many of us aren't doing what we really want to be doing. I can't help but see a big whopping contributor to be the lack of focus, which is probably more accurately felt as this idea of being scatterbrained.

Think about all those thoughts that go through your head on a daily basis. All those side thoughts like “Maybe I could open my own restaurant” or “Maybe I could lose 20 pounds” appear to you at some level.

These are important thoughts that are telling you something. They are poking at you to get attention. They are saying that maybe there is something you need to change. It is how people decide one day they want to stop smoking. They get those little stabs of ideas in their heads that something needs to change.

If they are as scatterbrained as the average person, these little sprouting seeds are ignored. They are quickly shoved away by the 8,000 other things that need to be done. “I have to think about this weekend's party so it will be perfect! I'll worry about X,Y,Z issue later” is probably a rather telling and realistic thing someone could justify to themselves in this situation (As if some party is every really that important in the long perspective of your life anyways).

"Someday when I have time" is a mythical world....kind of like Pandora.

These comically urgent events in life are often assumed to be the most important but they often are not.  We can run around all day pretending that these things we are doing will bring us to a future point where we can finally relax. But we never ever get there. We're always waiting and always striving to reach this mythical place.

Being able to enjoy life requires something less obvious than more money or time. It comes down to something anyone can do and most people could mistake as trivial.

And it comes down to focus.

Being able to focus improves not only your ability to retain information (which is obviously a pretty cool benefit alone) but it can help you experience a very vivid and beautiful life. I'm not talking about that Zen/Buddha BS where you will somehow find Nirvana (or maybe it is, who knows?). It's the pure fact that you can focus on what you are doing in the moment and not stuck in your head thinking about future events.

By the way just think about this: if you are thinking about future events you are basically not living in reality. You are living in a mind made movie that isn't even real (it's in your head).  It like trying to watch to different episodes of a TV show at the same time. You can't really take in both.

That is really kind of weird to think about. But it is just the reality of life these days.

(Gotta love all this existential angst, right? What a modern luxury.)

I know that all these ideas I'm talking about are true because it is very true to how I live my life. I go through periods of scatter-brained-ness a lot and then have to pull myself back to a more balanced and relaxed way of living. It isn't a bad thing at all. Every time it happens it reveals why this idea of focus is so damn important.

It's not even worth getting all down on yourself about. It's simply something to recognize and realize change is needed. If you start thinking your worthless because you can't focus you'll just make the problem worse. Recognize the problem and find a solution.

Here are just a couple ways I find focus. Notice they are far from complicated and don't require intelligence:

• Cut Back On Commitments
  • If you feel overwhelmed with all you responsibilities, it's a really good sign that you are overextended in your commitments. What can you cut back on? Sure, people might be mad that you didn't show up to a get together but life is real friggin' short dude. Stop wasting time and do what you want to do.
• Cut Back on the TV
  • Don't worry, if you turn off the TV or don't get to watch your regular TV shows, you won't suddenly be an outcast because you can't discuss it with your co-workers. And plenty of stuff goes on this world without you so don't worry, you won't miss out. Try cutting back on TV and replace that with a good book or some other relaxing activity.
• Focus on your Breathing
  • If this is too new-agey for you then you've never tried it. Take some deep breaths. Focus on your breathing. Most people (I'm the biggest culprit) take short breaths that don't get enough oxygen into the body. Try taking a deep breath and tell me that it doesn't feel great. It's cheaper than drugs/alcohol too.
• Write/Paint/Sing/Dance/Exercise/Compete/Create
  • Wow, I definitely had not thought about this as something that helps focus but all these activites are actually tremendous. Anytime you use your body to create art or perform you are working at getting outside your head.  Creation helps to direct your focus at making something.  Exercising helps you do what you are evolutionarily designed to do: move around and (ideally) be outside. Competition is putting yourself out there, you could lose.  It's exciting and it brings you out of your head and you will feel a vivid sense of aliveness that can rival any drug.
• Sleep
  • So many people go to the doctor and can't figure out what's going on with them. The doctor probably won't ask about there diet (more on that next) or their sleep patterns. There is usually a diagnosis made without these two critical aspects of a human's health that aren't even factored into the equation. But sleep makes a huge difference. If you find yourself scattered take a nap. Make your number one priority to catch up on sleep. It could mean all the difference in the world.
• Eat Better
  • I'm impartial here as a big nutrition geek but I can't tell you how many anecdotal examples there are of people feeling amazing once they start eating more whole foods. It's actually my favorite comment my clients make. But it works because this type of eating gives your body what it is designed to eat.  I would estimate that this could be one of the most important things you can do to help with not only your focus but your energy on a day to day basis.

These are just things that I thought of on the fly. Anything works, but if you cannot even realize that you can't focus then you'll never be able to make the shift.

So I challenge you (and myself) to make it a focus (haha) to focus.

I guess the only question remains though is are you going to make a change now or in the future when you "have time". You know, that future place that doesn't really exist.

Slow down.

And focus.

Playing With Boundaries

Most of our behavior is pretty (boring-ly) straight-forward.

On a day to day basis, most of us don't go outside our comfort zone.  We know exactly how to act to attract the least/most attention and going outside those known behaviors is a pretty scary thing.  It get's us from point A to point B, so we must be doing something right, right?

The only problem is that we don't exert any self-pressure to go beyond where we are at.  Talking to strangers, practicing the art of light banter, standing up for yourself, telling someone what you truly think, truly listening while someone is speaking and so on are all activities that will make you learn and grow.

But most people won't do them.  Shoot, even I wish I did a better job at that.

In a way, that's the whole point: going outside the comfort zone everyday is important.

Without it we all get complacent.  We take things for granted.  We know exactly what to expect.  No surprises.

Think about it from another perspective.  In fact, think of something you are really good at.  It should be a skill or talent that you excel at or have passion for.

I know for me, I never thought I'd be able to get the basic skills of being a barista at Starbucks.  In the beginning it all seemed so complicated.  I eventually got it.

Anyway, do you remember what it was like when you first started learning how to do that thing?  Do you remember being a complete newbie and feeling like you would never get to where you are now?  What do you remember?  Anything specific?

Chances are good that those memories are pretty vivid.  Chances are good because when you are out of your comfort zone, you are intensely alive.  You are completely aware of your surroundings and acutely aware of every moment.  While you may not have known it at the time, you were actually in the zone.

It's a pretty sweet place to be.  We just can't see it at the time.

So I think pushing yourself to do something (just one thing) that is uncomfortable and out of character  every day is something we are all missing.

I know I can vouch for myself.

Getting Out of My Head

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them." 
— Paulo Coelho (Author of The Alchemist)

From my perspective, one of the most important things I've learned is that problems can't always be "thought" through.  Like most people, I always assumed that when I hit a road block, it was time to put on my thinking cap and just think harder.  Through mental strain and focused concentration, I will eventually bust through and come up with a revelation.  Seems to make sense, right?

But the mind is an interesting thing; it doesn't really work that way.  Let me demonstrate through three examples:

1. Fighting with a spouse/friend.  Think of the emotions, of the thoughts that occupy your headspace.  If you're being honest, you'd have to say that most of them are repetitive and useless.  Many times you are proving to yourself over and over that you are right.  When emotions are involved this is especially true.  This ends up hardening some people and leads to physical violence or just the end of many salvable relationships.
2. When you are nervous to talk to someone.  Normally, I find myself getting nervous when talking to a beautiful woman or someone else who has value (the boss of a company who I'd very much like to work for).  On some level when I interact with either of these two people I am "going into my head" in order to pre-plan what I am going to say, or just to play the mental movie of what could happen.  This tends to make the interaction feel a bit "off" and the natural rythym of human interaction just doesn't feel right. 
3. Solving some difficult math problem or any analytical type problem that needs intense focus.  This strategy provides that you go into your head to make the connections.  Oftentimes you can spend long periods of time in intense focus to realize the answer was very simple.  Overthinking actually was the source of the problem and could have used some "right-brain" thinking, at least in the sense to help re-charge the left brain.

All three of these scenarios (despite not having any perceived commonalities) bring to the light my idea that thinking doesn't solve all problems.  Sure, our brains are pretty friggin' cool, I mean we have conquered the Earth in ways no animal can come close to, but human ingenuity has some big blind spots.  And that blind spot is that thinking = always good.

THOUGHT IS GREAT, BUT...

The whole notion that thinking equates intelligence is just plain wrong.  Yes, human thought has created modern medicine and skyscrapers, but it also had a big part in the holocaust and all the wars in which millions of people have needlessly died.  So let's agree to put that to rest.

Obviously, there must be some alternative.  There must be a way to think but in a useful way, which keeps us from getting in our own way.

GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD (the alternative)
The idea of not being in my head, or not thinking, really is a misnomer; it doesn't mean I actually stop thinking.  It means I'm not trying to think, I let it happen.  I wrote about "being like water", and really that would be the perfect example.

You are using your thinking brain but not forcing it.  It's a balancing act.

In the example of fighting with your spouse, you have to be able to have some perspective on the situation, but your thoughts keep you trapped in heat of the moment.  Being nervous in social situations is caused by some form of performance anxiety, or because you place a really high value on the outcome of the interaction.  Instead, let go of the myriad of thoughts reinforcing how important this conversation is and let go of expectations.  Just see what happens.  The math problem does require you to think, and it could be solved but your analytic brain is overly stressed.  It needs a break.

But no, oftentimes we choose to bang our heads against the wall.  We choose the repetitive (useless) thoughts control us and tell us we are right, that our spouse is wrong, and that all this math problem needs is more thinking.  Or that I can plan out an entire conversation in my head so everything will go better.

It's funny because none of these ever work, yet we all keep trying them over and over.

NOT THINKING DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A ZOMBIE
Look, the one counterexample that will make most people oppose the idea of "not thinking" is because they will equate it with being a zombie.  Or a drooling retard.  Which is silly.

Look, getting out of your head simply means you use the immense power of thinking, not letting it use you.  The way I describe no-thinking can also be described as a super-relaxed state in which everything just flows right and it never feels like you are straining for any outcome of anything.  But yet everything works out so well.  Some people call it "being in the zone".

And this is why it is so hard to describe.  Because thinking about it won't help you get there.


STRATEGIES TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The easiest ways to get away from repetitive thought are often seemingly simple.  But they are powerful when done correctly.

• Sleep 
• Can't we all relate to this?  You can be really sad/mad about something so much that it ruins your day, but is cured by a good nights rest.
• Take an Active Break
• Whenever I get stuck or get angry I take a break or walk away.  But I have found the best breaks are ones where I go and do something that involves my active attention.  It can literally be as easy as calling an old friend and catching up or playing sodoku.  A laugh here or a good feeling there has been the perfect cure for getting out of my head.
• Write/Paint/Create
• Whenever angst pops it's head up, I write.  I write everything out, all my feelings.  And it almost always helps.  I think half of it comes from the fact that I am clarifying my thoughts, but the other half is that my brain is actively participating and it's attention is focused on some productive medium.  That's why I could imagine that painters or photographers could also share that feeling as well.
• Bitch and Complain
• Yes, bitching and complaining can have their purpose.  Obviously, it should be done as consturctively as possible.  Many times when I am mad, I will complain to a friend in order to just air my thoughts and have my friends tell me what they think.  That way, I can't keep the same thought loops going over and over and over and over which serve to just make me feel worse.
• Be Silly/Out of Character
• While this sounds dumb, it actually works.  When I find myself nervous in social situations or anything, I do something that is super-embarassing, something that is really out of character for me.  I'll start barking like a dog or imitating a chicken (Yes, I'm serious).  While I feel like an ass, it helps to loosen me up.  All those feelings of fear that you will look really dumb will come true and they end up not being nearly as bad.  After imitating a chicken, my mind frees up and I can usually move forward with a more clear focus on the present situation.

SIMPLE WISDOM
Going back to the quote that leads into this post, many times the most simple of things actually contain the most wisdom.  Let go of thinking is simple and is completely counter-intuitive to what common knowledge has taught us.  But my experience has led me to believe that it can be pretty friggin' awesome.

I can only speak for myself that it has made a big difference in bettering my life.  I don't see why it can't be true for everybody else.

Be Like Water

Ok so I have to admit, I am in to Zen and Eastern philosophical type teachings. I'm not sure what that means, but I basically read a lot about it and aspire to be more Zen-like in my life.

Why? Because it's fucking awesome, that's why.

So I can't help but share a nugget of wisdom that I think really is powerful and yet so simple.

The phrase I'm talking about?

“Be Like Water”

Yes, the simple statement “be like water” holds so much truth that it blows my freakin' mind. I can only imagine how seemingly stupid and simple it can be on the surface. So, with pun intended, let's dive right in.

THE COOLNESS OF WATER

Take the actual substance of water, with it's simple chemical makeup of one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms, and remember it's important qualities. It is a universal solvent, relatively moderate freezing and boiling points, the fact that it is necessary for life on earth and it has a comparitively low viscosity (making it flowing quickly down a river). Basically, it's good to remember that water is one pretty sweet molecule, to say the least.

Now imagine a river, it can be your favorite river if you'd like, and think of the water flowing through it. Imagine how effortlessly and smoothly it flows over rocks and through the landscape. It takes the path of least resistance through the terrain. Because water simply “is”, it follows the basic rules of gravity.

So what the hell does that have to do with anything?

AS A MINDSET

The whole concept of being like water is more about your mental head-space than anything else. Seeing as water is not rigid, neither should your mind be. Water does not resist what is in front of it and neither should humans.

Essentially, not resisting things as they are is the key idea.

The easiest example would be to take your daily commute or drive. If you have extensible experience in driving, you know that you eventually will get stuck behind Grandma or have some idiot on your ass. These occurences are inevitable, that is just the way things are. This is the situation right in front of you.

So what happens in this situation? You get mad. You are upset because the Grandma should know better than to drive so slow. Maybe the fact that old people are driving just pisses you off. The idiot behind you is clearly in the wrong, and somehow you will telepathically change his behavior by being upset. You are mad because you have a different idea of how things should be.

Basically the way things are is not compatible at all with the way things should be (at least in our heads) and that friction causes a lot of anxiety and anger. Substitute driving for an annoying neighbor, lazy co-worker, bad service at a restaurant and you can see that all the situations are fundamentally no different.

ACCEPT WHAT IS AND MOVE FORWARD

When we encounter these situations and feel the anger or anxiety, it's important to remember that it's a good time to practice acceptance. Accepting that this is the challenge presented is a simple shift in thinking that doesn't take willpower or anything special, it is just looking at Grandma in front of you without any negative emotions and moving from there.

It means you don't have to go through the arguments in your head of “how wrong this lady is” or “why old people shouldn't be driving” or “why this happens to you ever day” or whatever silly arguments you have in your head that you are right and the situation that is in front of you is wrong.

To continually have those arguments in your head is a complete waste of energy and, chances are, a generally unhealthy way to go around your short time on earth. Who wants to go around their entire life being bitter that things aren't going the way it should be according to them? Not me. I'm guessing not you either.

THEN MOVE FORWARD

So when we talk about being like water, it's not that you should just do what someone else tells you to do or somehow ignore that Granny is slow. Accept that Grandma can't find the gas pedal and find a good time to pass her. Or if you can't pass her, use the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful weather, the song on the radio, or take a few deep breaths to practice being in the moment. Don't resist the moment, take what is in front of you and make the best of it.

Many times where I am stuck behind Grandma, I have found it useful to take a second to remember that this is a great opportunity to practice patience. Or maybe it's a great time to practice focus. It really doesn't matter. All I know is that I want to spend as little time in my life being upset, anxious or angry and that seems the best way to go about it.

THE CONTINUAL PROCESS OF LEARNING

However, many times I have found myself getting extremely upset in both examples, even though I am a supposedly “enlightened” one who knows how to “be like water”. Usually it comes in the form of something I am not used to experiencing. For example, I work in retail and am used to a certain level of disrespect or general rudeness from customers and have learned to let it go and not let it affect my mental state.

But from time to time someone will come in and just really surprise me with a dickish comment or attitude. Sometimes I get upset and sometimes I remember to view this as just another lesson to practice patience and acceptance. But I am certainly not perfect and have not “mastered” being like water. That is not the point.

To be more accepting is something you practice constantly to the day you die and while you will definitely get better at it, it is useless to attempt to master it. It's way cooler to mess up and laugh at the fact that you get mad over such trivial things.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Don't over think this whole thing. It's not meant to be taken super seriously or even call out other people on their “resistance to the moment”. That would be dumb. The whole idea here is that getting all worked up over really trivial things (like traffic) is foolish. It's not worth it to get upset over it, yet we all find ourselves doing it. To remind yourself to be like water is simply looking at things through a different paradigm, one that I have found to be much more useful. I hope you can find it enlightening as well.

Earth: A Moving Experience

I can't help but be inspired by any picture of the Earth from space.

Yes, the vivid blues and whites are no doubt beautiful, but there is just something more to it. In that beautiful intersection between art and science, I find that staring at the big blue spaceship we ride on to be a spiritual experience.

It seems so obvious to me that Earth is an inspiring little thing to look. But let's go down the list here.

Our planet is just close enough to the sun to keep us warm. Any closer and our water would boil and there goes life on planet Earth. If we were any farther away, the water would turn to ice and again, life becomes extremely difficult in these conditions.

Water is so abundant on our planet. Just look at all the blue. It's a bunch. Over two thirds of the earth's surface is covered by this rather simple molecule that makes life possible.

It's ozone layer, which you can see very distinctly from most pictures taken in low earth orbit, protects us from a great deal of the dangers that the vacuum of space is filled with.

To think that close to 7 billion people are running around, waking up, sleeping, working, crying, loving, writing, wondering, thinking and living on that little ball is unfathomable. Each human being supported by the fruits of the mothership, planet Earth.

And that's why I am so moved every time I see a picture of Earth from space.  That's why when I see it in a magazine, or a doctor's office, I stop for a second and lose myself in it.

When you know all the crazy things there are to know about the little old rock we live on, it makes it seem just a little more amazing. And then when you get to see it in all it's glory, it really hits home that we are a bunch of lucky mother fuckers to have experienced life on it.

My Experience With Time Management

Most of my friends wouldn't know this, but I work A LOT on my computer.

You see, for the past 4 months, I have been tirelessly working to make myself passive income online. That's a whole other thing that I could blab on and on about, but let's stay on track here.

You see, I spend a great deal of time online (in front of my laptop), and the idea of productivity and just general use of time has been pretty cool topic to learn about and try. I've read everything under the sun about time management and how to work efficiently, so I feel like sharing my findings.

First you should know that I love love love testing out everything in my life. I like trying every new way to organize, eat, work out, talk, and everything in between. So yeah, this is from my extensive trials of test and error.

My "insights":

• A Task Will Take As Much Time As You Plan  For It
• This is a BIG ONE. The time you set out in your head to do something, is exactly how much time it will take. If I tell you to write me a 1000 word paper about “how to grow flowers in a garder” in an hour, the odds are it will take you somewhere close to an hour. Now, if I tell you to write the same article in a half hour, it will probably take you the same time. And possibly even better quality.  
• I certainly have no stastical proof to show but I have observed it to be the truth. When I sit down in front of the computer in order to do work, oftentimes there has to be strict limits about a.)how much time I am going to spend, b.) what needs to get done and c.) what needs to be finished by the time I'm done. Sometimes I miss the mark, A LOT. Sometimes I have really crappy final products because I needed to spend more time on it. But that's just how it goes.  I can usually do a lot more work in less time than I think.  It's really just a learning thing.
•  Planning Out Every Minute of Your Day Sucks
• Yeah I did that. To be honest it wasn't that difficult. But what began to happen is that I was starting to become a robotic decider that made decisions of going out for fun based on how many leisure hours I had left for the week. This is tough because I was super-productive when I was tracking and planning my days by half hour intervals, but in the end it was killing spontaneity and brought some unexpected anxiety. It just wasn't for me.
•  There's a System for You
• There's a million and one books out there about time-management. Some of them have quirky little notepads that you keep with you, others have apps you can download to remind you of meetings and to keep track of your hours. Just know that there is no magic bullet, and you should find what works best for you. I say, try as many out as you can and put in the pieces that work, throw out the ones that don't
•  Time is Muey Importante
•  Ok duh, obvious point. So it might be more helpful to say that efficient use of time is muey importante. If you use your time efficiently (doesn't mean obsess over it), you can spend less time with more results. Just because you spend two hours in front of a computer doing research doesn't mean you were productive. A lot of time can be wasted if you are easily distracted. So yeah, time = important.  Goes without saying, but I'll say it.
• Limited Leisure Time?
• My life currently consists of very little leisure time. I don't get to hang out with friends or go to bars because I live far away all of them and choose to save money on gas (this is changing soon, yay!). But for me this leisure/social time is extremely important for my mental health, because I am a social creature. So what I've learned in this area is that things I really enjoy need to be enjoyed. Does that make sense? In other words, if I am going to go out with friends to let loose, I need to let loose. Not be in the bar talking about strategies to get more traffic to my blog. It means getting into “durrr” state and having actual fun.
• No Bigger Waste of Time than TV
•  TV sucks. Anyone who reads this should know my opinion on that. In terms of a time waster I can think of nothing superior. It's not that the actual time spent watching the TV is a waste, it's that after watching the TV, your brain is not in the productive mood. Chances are it's in the “dur” or “caveman” mode, where you are barely above chimpanzee cognition. If you want to toil away endlessly at your goals, keep watching TV. If you want to attempt to reach some crazy goals, turn that shit off.
• Change is Tough
• Love you all but I noticed that whenever I make some big changes I tend to feel certain negative feelings coming from those around me. To be completely honest it's nothing big and I don't resent it, but it's something I've observed. Whether it is saying that I am going to stick my face in my computer instead of hanging out with a buddy, time management can kind of make you seem like an uninterested dick. But shit ain't easy and you have to figure out how to start chipping away at your goals. You just have to be able to say no and figure out how to juggle a normal life with goals.
• Sometimes, You Just Have to Quit
•  There are some things I hate admitting and one of them is that “I can't do every single thing I want to do, at least not all at the same time”. It's just not possible to do everything you want to do at the same time.. You have a finite time in which to accomplish goals. Sometimes you just have to decide which are more important, and narrow down your focus to those goals only. It sucks to quit something, but at the same time you have to be able to use as much mental energy on as few tasks as possible.

There's really a million and one more insightful and cool things I've learned about managing my time. I still am not a great time manager and I could definitely be more productive doing work, but I have come a long way, BELIEVE ME. Where I'm at is a win. No doubt about it.

Letting Go of TV

Watching TV pretty much blows. It's a waste of fucking time. It's worse than masturbation (in terms of being productive and worthwhile).

I can't tell you how much I hate the fact that if I find a TV on, I am attracted to it's shiny objects and offers of freedom from thought, like a pause button on life.

In terms of slavery, it is the perfect slaveholder. It comforts us. It distracts us. It tells us how to think, what to do. What to buy. It keeps our mind off of “serious things” and critical thought.

On the surface, I would argue that these aren't inherently bad. But just like sobering up from alcohol or going to rehab for drug abuse, time away from the “fix” can begin to feel like a dream and the time under the influence is reality.

I guess if you want to use a movie as a metaphor to this, we could use Inception as a great example. Leonardo DiCaprio's character was between the dream state and reality so often that he had a hard time knowing which is which. Suddenly, you are more comfortable in that world which is not real, an illusory place that (at least for the moment) take cares of your worries and problems.  Reality kind of sucks after that.

I really hate writing about shit like this but I can't help but see a generation of human beings who's lives have been spent living on the couch, instead of spent creating and bettering others' lives.

It'd be a damn shame.

Why Do We Do What We Do?

Someone recently asked me: "Why do you get out of bed every day?"


What a powerful ass question! (I didn't really have a good answer)


I mean seriously, why the hell do we do what we do everyday?


Why do we go to low wage jobs to rent apartments to hold our flat screen TVs to stimulate our life away to the boobtube?  Or maybe you are more enlightened than that or whatever, but still, why do you do that?


I can't seem to think of a good answer.


One good answer is survival.  You are genetically pre-disposed to "surviving" and spreading your genes.  So everything else you do could very well be a rationalization of that underlying purpose.


Sounds pretty fucking depressing.


I guess it kind of goes into the whole "why are we here" debate that brings religion and science and the big bang theory to the table.  But let's avoid these for the moment.


What if we just exist for the beauty of existence sake?


Deep shit, right?


Life is like a butterfly in that one parable.  You know, the one where a beautiful butterfly lands on your hand. Either you can enjoy the moment for what it is, or you can try to keep the butterfly as a trophy, which leads to the butterfly flying away.


That really seems to be all it is.


We humans are silly in the sense that we apply meaning to everything, but it is through a human paradigm of things.  So the idea of "purpose" is deeply ingrained into our idea of why we exist.  We exist, so we must have a purpose.


It's a great idea but doesn't seem compatible with the universe we occupy.  Look at how the universe and our earth was created, it seems that destruction and ever-fleeting beauty is the ubiquitous theme.



Everything is fleeting.  Everything ends up dissolving.  Every human ends up dying.


So it would make sense that appreciation for existence is what makes us get out of bed every day.  Most people probably would reject this as a truth, but I have a crazy theory that some people are very unconscious to it and just have yet to realize.  Maybe they will realize on their deathbeds, maybe not.


Or maybe I'm wrong.  Who knows.

The 5 Books That Changed My Life

I think every blogger has a list of their 5 favorite books, or the books that changed their life. So let's be a follower and do that too! Yay!

Let's dive right in:

5.) Mastery by George Leonard
Throughout my life I've met some pretty goal driven people. Some of them were normal and others were hyper-obsessed with achieving their goals. Either way, there was always a sense of repulsion from those people who poured their whole lives into something and pretty much gave up almost everything else as the price.

I want to be successful in reaching all my goals but still live a well-rounded and satisfying life. With that being said, this book helped me see how there is an alternative to losing your life to a goal.

In his book Mastery, George Leonard approaches the subject through his main frame of reference: the practice of aikido. A very specific martial art practice, aikido is truly a skill or "goal" that one can only be successful through many hours of practice. In other words, it's more than a notch on the belt.

Anyhow, he paints the art of mastery (whether it be a golf swing, writing, owning a business, etc.) as something that is process-oriented and less goal oriented. In other words, the pleasure must be derived from the "practice" of the golf swing, not from the result of shooting a low score or winning a tournament. It's all about the process.

And if you even want to go deeper than that, it is about finding the enjoyment of life itself through process. Goals are nothing more than points on a map that you are trying to reach. The reason we set goals and try to master a certain skill is not to enhance ourselves (although self-enhancement is pretty sweet in my opinion), it is all about learning about yourself. You learn how to handle situations and how you react to certain events.

To anyone who has trouble setting and reaching goals or is curious for a different look into the area of mastery, read this book. It's a short and easy read and the benefits are numerous.

4.) Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
This book has somewhat of a cult-like following.

Before I had ever read it, I would have friends coming up to me and saying "Do you know how much corn is in our diets? Do you know how cows stand in their own excrement for a majority of their life?", which always made me roll my eyes a bit. Of course I didn't know that. But what does that even matter?

After all, I think most of us understand that the process of our food going from raw product to our plate is probably not the most pleasant of ideas, so nothing would really surprise us. But the actual message in this book is a great deal different than "some chickens have to die so we can eat them". It's about something else.

To understand how we feed 300 million American people, you have to understand the economics of food. It seems as if it works quite well. You can hop over to your local grocery store and pick up tomatoes, apples, avocados, asparagus and beyond. You can be miles away from bodies of water and pick up some salmon filets. This would stagger our ancestors over a hundred years ago.

So with all that in mind, the curtain is pulled back on our industrial food system. The myriad of anecdotes and details describing where food actually comes from will blow your mind. It is not unsettling to know that a majority of food you find in the grocery store has some derivative of corn in it, I find it more troubling that there are people who have gone through great length to keep it under the general public's radar.

Really, I could go on and on about this book but it changed my outlook on what I put into my body. I didn't turn vegetarian (although I did try it for about a month for fun) and I don't eat only organic foods, but I have a clearer picture about what I put into my body. I can't recommend this book highly enough.

3.) Game Change by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin
I actually finished this book just recently. And wow, it never occured to me that this book could be so captivating.

In short, Game Change is about the 2008 presidential primaries and election. Now I'm totally a political junkie, so any type of book like is something I can dive into. So for anyone who is hesitant to jump into a political book, there is definitely something in there for you as well.

You see, the book is about so much. To me, it's revealing about the presidential political process and how hubris can hurt you tremendously. Dealing with problems and accepting the situation in front of you are big themes of this book.

Just the pure human drama (or soap opera) is pretty captivating and intensely fascinating. It is entertaining and informative all that same time. I highly recommend this to everybody, no matter what side of the political fence they happen to lean. Or if you don't lean on any fence at all.

Make sense?

2.) The Fountain Head by Ayn Rand
What can I say about the Fountain Head?

It's hard to describe in words. Seriously.

Most people's notion of Ayn Rand is a libertarian celebrity, who's political views are famous and very unique. And so when I mention this book, the tendency is to think it is a political book. Which it is not.

I originally read this book on the advice of one of my favorite self-improvement authors, with the idea that the book would enhance me in some way. I spent nearly 2 months reading this 700 page brick, grueling through a lot of big words and rather boring dialogue.

But delving deeper and deeper into the book, I realized there was so much more to this book. Like watching a painter paint a picture on a huge canvas, the beginning can seem arbitrary and meaningless. But as the picture begins to form, the beauty and meaning reveals itself.

The summary of this book is pointless. My short (and completely incomplete) summary of the book is as follows: A man (Howard Roark) loves creation through architecture. He does not let the world stop him from doing what he loves.

It sounds like a feel good story (a guy goes against the grain and triumphs over adversity....yay!), but that is inaccurate. It's about having your own standards and living your life in alignment with them.

I'm resisting every urge to over-hype this book but the truth is this book changed my life and it could do the same for you. Don't let the 700 pages intimidate you.

1.) The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Hmm, now how to talk about Eckhart Tolle.

To a certain degree, I don't like sharing the fact that I've read his books or even enjoy discussing the content of his books. Most of it is because spirituality and religion is such a crude joke for most people that a reasonable and rational discussion of such things leave me feeling discouraged. But the fact is I am not religious but "spiritual" if defining it makes you happy.

***By the way, these books are not "religious" in the sense that there are principles or tenets to follow. It is more philosophical about life. To be honest, I don't even know how to describe it that well. The point is: anyone can read it and gain some insight into life.***

So with that in mind, the books The Power of Now and A New Earth are both the highest on my list because I officially became a subscriber to the eastern philosophical ideas of "being present" aka "living in the moment". Sounds a little silly but it makes sense.

You see one of the leading causes of depression and anxiety is that little voice in the head that won't shut off. When you are "present" you are outside of your head, and the little voice doesn't follow the endless thought loops that drag you into your head.

Get it?

Probably not. So go read the book!

Thanks for reading! Feel free to share any books/comments/thoughts in the comment section.

The Power of Reading

For some reason, I had a hard time deciding the title of this post. "The Power of Reading" sounds way too serious, although very accurate. So we're keeping it as the title, sound good?

It has been just about 2 years since I decided that reading was going to be high on my priority list. It's funny because it took about a year and a half before it became a big habit. And now I am reading my ass off, bitten by the bug of knowledge. It is awesome.

Like many of you who might be reading this (all three of my loyal followers), reading was pretty damn boring throughout school. "Assigned reading" was like reading brochures on colostomies. It was avoided like the plague.

Now don't get me wrong, I would love to have read more at the time, but there were more pressing issues. In fact, if there was a way to digest books without spending time reading, I'd have read all the classics. But I'd also like to eat chocolate 24/7 and not be fat. Both are unrealistic.

So reading had been in the back of my mind as "something good to do" but there was never a pressing reason to read more. Would it make me more money? Not immediately. There really aren't any surface benefits from reading. The only real immediate benefit could be that of entertainment. That seems about it.

However, as I forced myself to read, I began to see the bigger picture of why books are pretty much the shit. It's self-enhancement at it's finest.

You see, many great thinkers and artists have put down their thoughts and creation on paper for you to read, sometimes hundreds of years afterwards. And you can interact with these amazing ideas and thoughts. All this for free with a library card.

You have every topic imaginable. If you want to start a business, there are more than enough books for you to spend your time on. You have comedic works of art by authors like David Sedaris and Kurt Vonnegut. Want to cook better? Please. There are more books than you could read in a lifetime.

There's not a shortage of books on any subject really.

And the fact is, you can read them, but if you are anything like me, "reading more" is something you are going to do in the future. You know the future, when you will have time.

Funny how that goes. You don't have enough time for an activity you can do for an hour a day. You can't find time for this simple little thing that could greatly enhance your knowledge, your ability to make more money, your ability to connect with others, your ability to see the depths of life and more.

Look around at some of the most successful people in this world. A good majority of them read a shit ton of books. Now, this totally anecdotal evidence for me but I find it to be true from experience.

So stop reading this blog and go get a book from the library. Don't have a book in mind? Check out Time's list of top 100 books. Go now!

Taking It All In Stride

Balance is certainly one of the main themes in the universe we habitate.

It's all over the place from magnetic polarities, to the process of our body to maintain homeostasis. It's there for a reason. Learn from it.

I recently learned something about myself (shockingly, I know). I take way too much stock in the emotions of the moment. You know what I'm talking about.

It all started two months ago. I was in an awesome place. I was working out a lot, working on my business, having a fun social life and work was great. Thoughts literally ran through my head like "This is awesome. If life continues this way, I'll have the best life ever". I was on cloud 9.

But then stuff happened. My back started to hurt, limiting my exercise. My business wasn't going as planned. My social life and work were lacking. It felt like I was plugging holes up in the titanic because nothing I was trying to do helped. It started to feel bad. Not only did things kind of suck, but I felt I had "lost" this precious sweet zone that I was occupying.

It's funny because when your on top, it's easy to indulge in the moment. You can (and should) look around and feel great that life is working out. But, like a beautiful butterfly that lands in your hand, the moment you try to grasp it as a possession, you have made it an object. Of course with all possesable objects, loss is nearly unavoidable.

And when life is going good, losing it can be extremely traumatic.

So what I have found is nothing special and easily to applie: take it all in stride.

Taking everything in stride means that when things are going great you can appreciate it for what it is. And when things suck, you don't dwell that life is handing you lemons. You don't have to "make lemonade" but you can just remember that a lemon is just a lemon. Nothing more.

You know that life is cyclical and it will get better. If you are of age to read this then you know better. Even the most cynical among us know this. Things are good, then they suck. Then they are good again. Then something happens and it sucks again.

You can find this wisdom in the quote "This too shall pass".

It's not so bad when you look at from this perspective.

So ride it out and appreciate it for what it is. And like I said, just take it all in stride.

My Short Response

This blog post is a response to this anonymous posting on my failin.gs account:

"You put your efforts into having mediocre relationships with tons of people instead of building deep & genuine relationships with a select few"

First things first: Thank you for being honest with your thoughts.

I was hoping that failin.gs would be a place where friends could leave their honest thoughts about any short-comings I may have. Well, that is exactly what that post contains.

My goal is to not hide from criticism of people around me but to, at the very least, be aware of it. Anyhow, I felt like I should respond directly to it. Here ya go:

First of all, the criticism is fair but is it accurate?

The fact is, we yearn for deep genuine connections as opposed to having a long list of people with whom we call "friends". Ask popular celebrities, politicians or artists who have millions of fans yet can't find many real authentic connections with people. Many of them end up having depression or drug problems (or they end up finding some wisdom/enlightenment from their situation). It's something worth noting.

However, is it possible to do both? Do you have to sacrifice the quality of connections when you decide to have more in quantity? Can you have a large circle of friends but also have deep genuine connections with people close to you?

Absolutely. It's an unequivocal yes, in my opinion.

Look, there are people who are in my life right now with whom I want to get to know even better and to build a deep relationship with. Seriously. Some of these people probably don't even know, but I want to hang out with them more, talk about life and all that shit.

But the fact is, I don't feel a lack in that area in my life. There isn't a void or unhappiness in that department. There are enough genuine connections with enough people that I am satisfied. It's the truth.

So it begs the question: what is the poster of this opinion getting at? Is there something else that might lie at the heart of the issue?

Is it that the author of this quote feels like I have not made an effort to keep up the relationship? Maybe.

Does he/she feel like I am not as happy as I could be because of said reason? I'm as happy as I've ever been, life is good. So I can't see that being it.

Does he/she feel like I treat people as just another person and not uniquely? I don't feel like that's the case, but I really just don't know.

While it's easy to read and understand the "failing", I don't see how building even deeper connections with fewer people is going to improve my life. It just doesn't click in my head.

Although it may not be easy to tell, I try to value everyone in my life for each individual trait they bring to the table. I may not agree with everyone and their actions but I still love them all the same. So if you ever have something you want to talk to me about, my door is always open. Even if it's something that I would not like to hear, I'd still like my friends to tell me. Period. So if you are reading this, then you are probably my friend, so this applies to you. And I certainly mean it.

The whole point of this is that I am a big dork and I take this stuff rather serious (as you can see). As hard as it is (initially) to read something like that post, I appreciate it more than words can say.

Now For Something a Little Different...

Forgive me for what I'm about to write.

I can only say that thinking deeply about reality (like really fucking deep) is something you should do more often. Yes, you.

Instead of avoiding being that weird person who "thinks too much", I say think deeply. Look between the layers of life. Look at the deep complexity of every issue. Observe how you react to different situations. Breath deep and do something you are entirely scared of. All the while look at the world through fresh eyes. Drop the image of yourself which needs to convince itself that it knows everything.

More than anything don't worry about other people.

Do you realize that most of your decisions are based on what other people think of you? It's why you don't do a lot of things you want to do. It's why you are going to die someday and wish you had done a whole lot more. It's the truth.

If you think about it, reality and your perception of it are completely clouded by the fact that you are a human being. When the universe was created, it is quite possible that it was an accident. It's entirely possible that the creation of the this universe we exist in has no purpose.

We aren't here to conquer the universe. We aren't here to love or to have children or anything. It is simply to exist.

It's simply to live. To be here. Can you handle that possibility?

Or are you going to run from it?

Turn on the TV because it will tickle the neurons in your brain. It will take care of you. It will tell you what to think. It is secure. It doesn't test your limits. It is a passive activity. It makes time pass by easier.

And your existence is whittled down to one life event to another, with some filler time between them.

You're existence is just a compilation or experiences that are completely insignificant. If society tells you that you have lived a extraordinary life, you can then feel validation.

The problem is that you'll never be significant. Because trying to be significant is impossible.

The universe we live in could be insignificant. It could be an atom in a molecule in a different universe. So trying to be significant is only a judgment value that in the end doesn't matter.

Have you followed what I'm saying so far? Chances are you have. You just don't trust yourself to believe what is inherently true about what I'm saying. Or you are trying to calculate whether this is something you are comfortable thinking about.

"I don't have thoughts like this" might be something that your brain (which tends to generate repetitive thought loops that it replays day after day) registers as thought.

But the fact is that we don't know anything. How you do know anything for sure?

I certainly can't confirm anything 100%, even when most things seem so certain. It's what being human is all about.

I want to push you to think more. I'm pushing myself to think more. Let's both agree to think more.

And when you think deeply, go and enjoy life. Because it's too short. Thinking deeply and living in the moment is truly the beautiful part about human experience.

Why We Don't Do Things

Why is it that we don't do what we want to do?

I'm talking about doing those things we've always wanted to do or try...like traveling in Europe or skydiving. Maybe you want to apologize to a friend or approach a cute girl/guy in the coffeeshop.

“Well, I just can't afford to save any money for vacation right now. Maybe later”

“Yeah I'd love to skydive but I'm not sure how it works or where I can go. Plus I really want to go with a friend. I'm too busy right now but maybe later”

“I'd totally approach that girl but I'm not wearing my best clothes, plus she probably has a boyfriend. Next time I see her I will.”

There are a myriad of excuses we could come up with as to why we aren't doing what we really want to do. And it makes sense doesn't it? Life these days is busy, oh so busy. In order to support ourselves financially, we have to work forty hours a week and commute for countless hours. Don't forget we still have to exercise and have fun and let loose every once in a while. Oh and don't forget families, we have to have family time.

And these are all valid excuses. You do need family time. You do need to enjoy yourselves and let loose. At your current spending level and income, a vacation is not possible. She very well could have a boyfriend.

But if you have lived on this earth for at least 18 years you should know by now that life is very short and very precious. How fast have the last year gone by? The last five? The last twenty five? In a blink.

So if it is possible to take a vacation to some exotic location, why not make the necessary sacrifices? Yeah that girl could have a boyfriend but why not make a decision to swallow the fear and uncertainty and go say hi. It could be the start to something great.

I hate the whole “Life is short/Carpe Diem” type of quotes because they have become a cheesy quote to flip out there in motivational speeches. But when you really think deeply about what they mean, it can change your perspective on things. It's not so much a cheesy quote as much it is a reminder to always be aligning yourself to what you are doing.

I try to always ask myself “Is what I am doing right now moving me closer to where I want to go and who I want to be?” Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes, it's no. And sometimes it's not applicable. But it brings clarity and through clarity you can gain focus and energy.

The point is to always be asking yourself some sort of question that realigns you with whatever purpose or goals or principles you have. If you aren't doing what you want to be doing, change what you're doing.

Don't listen to those little people who will tell you that you need to force yourself to be happy, that it's your own fault you're miserable. Sometimes you do need to adjust your attitude, sometimes you just need to change your situation. Only you will know.

And sometimes you'll be wrong, but you'll learn from it. And you'll learn that it's not a big deal.

You see, life is this malleable thing. You can shape it into whatever you want. And ultimately you decide what to mold it into. You make decisions about who and what you let in to your consciousness... which in turn, effects your paradigm of what life is meant to be.

You let negativity in, it will affect how you see the world. You let positivity in, it will affect how you see the world. Neither are a right or wrong but it is a choice every second of every day. Even when you aren't making a choice you are making a choice. If you are sitting in front of a television, you are a passive passenger but you decided to sit there in the first place.

So if you're always the decider making decisions (like dubya), then all those things you want to do are ultimately up to you, not to someone else or circumstance. You are no longer a victim, no longer can you play the blame game. You lose much of the power to blame, but gain strength through yourself, realizing that you can in fact do whatever you'd like.

So if you really want to go to South Africa, figure out a plan to get you on that path. It may seem like a daunting task but I'm confident you'll learn some wisdom about life that you can share with others. I'm sure of it.