Getting Out of My Head

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them." 
— Paulo Coelho (Author of The Alchemist)

From my perspective, one of the most important things I've learned is that problems can't always be "thought" through.  Like most people, I always assumed that when I hit a road block, it was time to put on my thinking cap and just think harder.  Through mental strain and focused concentration, I will eventually bust through and come up with a revelation.  Seems to make sense, right?

But the mind is an interesting thing; it doesn't really work that way.  Let me demonstrate through three examples:

1. Fighting with a spouse/friend.  Think of the emotions, of the thoughts that occupy your headspace.  If you're being honest, you'd have to say that most of them are repetitive and useless.  Many times you are proving to yourself over and over that you are right.  When emotions are involved this is especially true.  This ends up hardening some people and leads to physical violence or just the end of many salvable relationships.
2. When you are nervous to talk to someone.  Normally, I find myself getting nervous when talking to a beautiful woman or someone else who has value (the boss of a company who I'd very much like to work for).  On some level when I interact with either of these two people I am "going into my head" in order to pre-plan what I am going to say, or just to play the mental movie of what could happen.  This tends to make the interaction feel a bit "off" and the natural rythym of human interaction just doesn't feel right. 
3. Solving some difficult math problem or any analytical type problem that needs intense focus.  This strategy provides that you go into your head to make the connections.  Oftentimes you can spend long periods of time in intense focus to realize the answer was very simple.  Overthinking actually was the source of the problem and could have used some "right-brain" thinking, at least in the sense to help re-charge the left brain.

All three of these scenarios (despite not having any perceived commonalities) bring to the light my idea that thinking doesn't solve all problems.  Sure, our brains are pretty friggin' cool, I mean we have conquered the Earth in ways no animal can come close to, but human ingenuity has some big blind spots.  And that blind spot is that thinking = always good.

THOUGHT IS GREAT, BUT...

The whole notion that thinking equates intelligence is just plain wrong.  Yes, human thought has created modern medicine and skyscrapers, but it also had a big part in the holocaust and all the wars in which millions of people have needlessly died.  So let's agree to put that to rest.

Obviously, there must be some alternative.  There must be a way to think but in a useful way, which keeps us from getting in our own way.

GETTING OUT OF MY HEAD (the alternative)
The idea of not being in my head, or not thinking, really is a misnomer; it doesn't mean I actually stop thinking.  It means I'm not trying to think, I let it happen.  I wrote about "being like water", and really that would be the perfect example.

You are using your thinking brain but not forcing it.  It's a balancing act.

In the example of fighting with your spouse, you have to be able to have some perspective on the situation, but your thoughts keep you trapped in heat of the moment.  Being nervous in social situations is caused by some form of performance anxiety, or because you place a really high value on the outcome of the interaction.  Instead, let go of the myriad of thoughts reinforcing how important this conversation is and let go of expectations.  Just see what happens.  The math problem does require you to think, and it could be solved but your analytic brain is overly stressed.  It needs a break.

But no, oftentimes we choose to bang our heads against the wall.  We choose the repetitive (useless) thoughts control us and tell us we are right, that our spouse is wrong, and that all this math problem needs is more thinking.  Or that I can plan out an entire conversation in my head so everything will go better.

It's funny because none of these ever work, yet we all keep trying them over and over.

NOT THINKING DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A ZOMBIE
Look, the one counterexample that will make most people oppose the idea of "not thinking" is because they will equate it with being a zombie.  Or a drooling retard.  Which is silly.

Look, getting out of your head simply means you use the immense power of thinking, not letting it use you.  The way I describe no-thinking can also be described as a super-relaxed state in which everything just flows right and it never feels like you are straining for any outcome of anything.  But yet everything works out so well.  Some people call it "being in the zone".

And this is why it is so hard to describe.  Because thinking about it won't help you get there.


STRATEGIES TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD
The easiest ways to get away from repetitive thought are often seemingly simple.  But they are powerful when done correctly.

• Sleep 
• Can't we all relate to this?  You can be really sad/mad about something so much that it ruins your day, but is cured by a good nights rest.
• Take an Active Break
• Whenever I get stuck or get angry I take a break or walk away.  But I have found the best breaks are ones where I go and do something that involves my active attention.  It can literally be as easy as calling an old friend and catching up or playing sodoku.  A laugh here or a good feeling there has been the perfect cure for getting out of my head.
• Write/Paint/Create
• Whenever angst pops it's head up, I write.  I write everything out, all my feelings.  And it almost always helps.  I think half of it comes from the fact that I am clarifying my thoughts, but the other half is that my brain is actively participating and it's attention is focused on some productive medium.  That's why I could imagine that painters or photographers could also share that feeling as well.
• Bitch and Complain
• Yes, bitching and complaining can have their purpose.  Obviously, it should be done as consturctively as possible.  Many times when I am mad, I will complain to a friend in order to just air my thoughts and have my friends tell me what they think.  That way, I can't keep the same thought loops going over and over and over and over which serve to just make me feel worse.
• Be Silly/Out of Character
• While this sounds dumb, it actually works.  When I find myself nervous in social situations or anything, I do something that is super-embarassing, something that is really out of character for me.  I'll start barking like a dog or imitating a chicken (Yes, I'm serious).  While I feel like an ass, it helps to loosen me up.  All those feelings of fear that you will look really dumb will come true and they end up not being nearly as bad.  After imitating a chicken, my mind frees up and I can usually move forward with a more clear focus on the present situation.

SIMPLE WISDOM
Going back to the quote that leads into this post, many times the most simple of things actually contain the most wisdom.  Let go of thinking is simple and is completely counter-intuitive to what common knowledge has taught us.  But my experience has led me to believe that it can be pretty friggin' awesome.

I can only speak for myself that it has made a big difference in bettering my life.  I don't see why it can't be true for everybody else.

Be Like Water

Ok so I have to admit, I am in to Zen and Eastern philosophical type teachings. I'm not sure what that means, but I basically read a lot about it and aspire to be more Zen-like in my life.

Why? Because it's fucking awesome, that's why.

So I can't help but share a nugget of wisdom that I think really is powerful and yet so simple.

The phrase I'm talking about?

“Be Like Water”

Yes, the simple statement “be like water” holds so much truth that it blows my freakin' mind. I can only imagine how seemingly stupid and simple it can be on the surface. So, with pun intended, let's dive right in.

THE COOLNESS OF WATER

Take the actual substance of water, with it's simple chemical makeup of one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms, and remember it's important qualities. It is a universal solvent, relatively moderate freezing and boiling points, the fact that it is necessary for life on earth and it has a comparitively low viscosity (making it flowing quickly down a river). Basically, it's good to remember that water is one pretty sweet molecule, to say the least.

Now imagine a river, it can be your favorite river if you'd like, and think of the water flowing through it. Imagine how effortlessly and smoothly it flows over rocks and through the landscape. It takes the path of least resistance through the terrain. Because water simply “is”, it follows the basic rules of gravity.

So what the hell does that have to do with anything?

AS A MINDSET

The whole concept of being like water is more about your mental head-space than anything else. Seeing as water is not rigid, neither should your mind be. Water does not resist what is in front of it and neither should humans.

Essentially, not resisting things as they are is the key idea.

The easiest example would be to take your daily commute or drive. If you have extensible experience in driving, you know that you eventually will get stuck behind Grandma or have some idiot on your ass. These occurences are inevitable, that is just the way things are. This is the situation right in front of you.

So what happens in this situation? You get mad. You are upset because the Grandma should know better than to drive so slow. Maybe the fact that old people are driving just pisses you off. The idiot behind you is clearly in the wrong, and somehow you will telepathically change his behavior by being upset. You are mad because you have a different idea of how things should be.

Basically the way things are is not compatible at all with the way things should be (at least in our heads) and that friction causes a lot of anxiety and anger. Substitute driving for an annoying neighbor, lazy co-worker, bad service at a restaurant and you can see that all the situations are fundamentally no different.

ACCEPT WHAT IS AND MOVE FORWARD

When we encounter these situations and feel the anger or anxiety, it's important to remember that it's a good time to practice acceptance. Accepting that this is the challenge presented is a simple shift in thinking that doesn't take willpower or anything special, it is just looking at Grandma in front of you without any negative emotions and moving from there.

It means you don't have to go through the arguments in your head of “how wrong this lady is” or “why old people shouldn't be driving” or “why this happens to you ever day” or whatever silly arguments you have in your head that you are right and the situation that is in front of you is wrong.

To continually have those arguments in your head is a complete waste of energy and, chances are, a generally unhealthy way to go around your short time on earth. Who wants to go around their entire life being bitter that things aren't going the way it should be according to them? Not me. I'm guessing not you either.

THEN MOVE FORWARD

So when we talk about being like water, it's not that you should just do what someone else tells you to do or somehow ignore that Granny is slow. Accept that Grandma can't find the gas pedal and find a good time to pass her. Or if you can't pass her, use the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful weather, the song on the radio, or take a few deep breaths to practice being in the moment. Don't resist the moment, take what is in front of you and make the best of it.

Many times where I am stuck behind Grandma, I have found it useful to take a second to remember that this is a great opportunity to practice patience. Or maybe it's a great time to practice focus. It really doesn't matter. All I know is that I want to spend as little time in my life being upset, anxious or angry and that seems the best way to go about it.

THE CONTINUAL PROCESS OF LEARNING

However, many times I have found myself getting extremely upset in both examples, even though I am a supposedly “enlightened” one who knows how to “be like water”. Usually it comes in the form of something I am not used to experiencing. For example, I work in retail and am used to a certain level of disrespect or general rudeness from customers and have learned to let it go and not let it affect my mental state.

But from time to time someone will come in and just really surprise me with a dickish comment or attitude. Sometimes I get upset and sometimes I remember to view this as just another lesson to practice patience and acceptance. But I am certainly not perfect and have not “mastered” being like water. That is not the point.

To be more accepting is something you practice constantly to the day you die and while you will definitely get better at it, it is useless to attempt to master it. It's way cooler to mess up and laugh at the fact that you get mad over such trivial things.

KEEP IT SIMPLE

Don't over think this whole thing. It's not meant to be taken super seriously or even call out other people on their “resistance to the moment”. That would be dumb. The whole idea here is that getting all worked up over really trivial things (like traffic) is foolish. It's not worth it to get upset over it, yet we all find ourselves doing it. To remind yourself to be like water is simply looking at things through a different paradigm, one that I have found to be much more useful. I hope you can find it enlightening as well.

Earth: A Moving Experience

I can't help but be inspired by any picture of the Earth from space.

Yes, the vivid blues and whites are no doubt beautiful, but there is just something more to it. In that beautiful intersection between art and science, I find that staring at the big blue spaceship we ride on to be a spiritual experience.

It seems so obvious to me that Earth is an inspiring little thing to look. But let's go down the list here.

Our planet is just close enough to the sun to keep us warm. Any closer and our water would boil and there goes life on planet Earth. If we were any farther away, the water would turn to ice and again, life becomes extremely difficult in these conditions.

Water is so abundant on our planet. Just look at all the blue. It's a bunch. Over two thirds of the earth's surface is covered by this rather simple molecule that makes life possible.

It's ozone layer, which you can see very distinctly from most pictures taken in low earth orbit, protects us from a great deal of the dangers that the vacuum of space is filled with.

To think that close to 7 billion people are running around, waking up, sleeping, working, crying, loving, writing, wondering, thinking and living on that little ball is unfathomable. Each human being supported by the fruits of the mothership, planet Earth.

And that's why I am so moved every time I see a picture of Earth from space.  That's why when I see it in a magazine, or a doctor's office, I stop for a second and lose myself in it.

When you know all the crazy things there are to know about the little old rock we live on, it makes it seem just a little more amazing. And then when you get to see it in all it's glory, it really hits home that we are a bunch of lucky mother fuckers to have experienced life on it.